Contribution to Peace
I contribute to peace… (author unknown) I contribute to Peace when I strive to express the best of myself in my contacts with others. I contribute to Peace when I use my intelligence and my abilities to serve the Good. I contribute to Peace when I feel compassion toward all those who suffer. I contribute [...]
Quotes on Guilt
Guilt "When guilt rears its ugly head confront it, discuss it and let it go. The past is over. It is time to ask what did we do right, not what did we do wrong. Forgive yourself and move on." – Bernie S. Siegel "I have made it a rule of my life never to [...]
No More Wars (2)
"War" is a mighty strong word… but it’s a strong message, too. Ok, we’re going to war. We wage a:war against Shoulds.war against perfection.war against harshness, and cruelty, and unnecessary pain.war against emotional ignorance and cluelessness.war against separateness and isolation and making enemies.war against aloneness and loneliness.war against rage, replaced with good clean anger.war against [...]
No More Wars (1)
Free Yourself from Emotional Prison! (see Mr. Einstein’s quote that I posted yesterday.)he said: "Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." it’s not a war, it’s a liberation.it’s not a fight, it’s a [...]
No More Wars
-There will never be another world war — ever! In fact, I believe wars will decline in the future, both in severity and in number. I believe that we, as a planet, are slowly, but surely, "Getting It", and I’m very happy about that! I have hope for the future. I believe we are on [...]
EQ Rocks!
More Happiness, Less Humbug -Strategies To Beat The Holiday Blahs http://www.eqatwork.com/eqblog/?p=55 Joseph Liberti, founder of EQ At Work
Free Yourself from Emotional Prison
"A human being is a part of the whole, called by us the ‘Universe’, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest – a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to [...]
Positive Feelings
"Heartfelt positive feelings create far more than a healthy psychological effect. They fortify our internal energy systems and nourish the body right down to the cellular level. For that reason, we like to think of these emotions as quantum nutrients." – Doc Childre and Howard Martin and, a good one for me… "Better to write [...]
The 3 Parts of our Brains
(i thought this was fascinating… the brain has 3 parts, including an Emotional center. A good friend sent this to me so I’ll have to find out the source for you) “Who Are You? 101 Ways of Seeing Yourself” Author – Malcolm Godwin. Georgiades Ivanovitch Gurdjieff, the charismatic Armenian mystic & teacher, maintained that human [...]
Laughter Really is Contagious!
Laughter really is contagious, a new study of the brain finds:http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16177354/ “It seems that it’s absolutely true that ‘laugh and the whole world laughs with you,’” said Sophie Scott, a neuroscientist at the University College London. “We usually encounter positive emotions, such as laughter or cheering, in group situations, whether watching a comedy program with [...]
Unfinished Business
On the drive home tonight a comment made by Doc clicked with a comment I had made to Matt to come up with an interesting realization (believe me, interesting was not the first phrase that came to mind). For as long as I remember my dad has been angry and expressed that anger verbally and [...]
Quotes
2 good ones… — "Happiness is a continuation of happenings which are not resisted." – R. Buckminster Fuller, 1895-1983, American Architect and Engineer — "I am not a genius. I’m just a tremendous bundle of experience." – Deepak Chopra, Indian-born Physician and Spiritual Author
Emotional Overload
Writers go through periods of writer’s block. I believe that people working on their emotions also go through emotional blocks – periods of emotional overload. My overblown responses to situations this last week told me that I needed to work on something but I could not put my finger on just what. So I bring [...]
< Matt's Stuff
hey, I just noticed that MANY of our 2GHers, and NDers, are Currently seeing a Therapist!so maybe we could talk to other therapists,or at least say, "hey, therapy too slow for you?""want to augment your therapy?""want to SPEED UP your therapy?""want to GO DEEPER, Faster?" come to ND. people who are Already doing the work. [...]
Thoughts on Anger (4)
"Adults who are most effective in helping children manage anger model responsible management by acknowledging, accepting, and taking responsibility for their own angry feelings and by expressing anger in direct and non-aggressive ways. When children are embroiled in an anger-arousing interaction, parents & teachers can help by listening without judging, evaluating or ordering them to [...]
Thoughts on Anger (3)
It’s official… I now have an official title, that I can put on my resume… I’m a "Provocateur". One who pisses others off. an instigator. I was reading an excellent article on Anger, and it said "… some children express anger with aggressive revenge by physically or verbally retaliating against the provocateur." that’s me. the [...]
Thoughts on Anger (2)
so what’s up with that? why do I go around Pissing people off so? is it just ’cause they pay me to? or do I get some perverse pleasure out of it? (well, I have to admit, it [...]
Thoughts on Anger
I’m not really asking for anything.this stuff just comes to me, so I report it to you. I have been blessed to have a ton of experience in the area of intense emotional expression — face-to-face, with pillow in hand. In fact, I’d venture to say that after 20 years of teaching ND, I have [...]
Thoughts on Judgments
It takes no strength to be Judgmental and critical. it takes no courage, either. it takes no class. it takes no style. it takes no brains. it takes no muscle. Cutting someone down doesn’t make you any more equal to them. and it doesn’t make you better than them. in fact, it [...]
Old Age, a poem
Old age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probablyfor the first time in my life, the person I have alwayswanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body … the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken abackby that old person that lives [...]
Laughter Yoga (again)
"God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. " – Voltaire how sad is that?!? and I believe it’s true. Check out a Laughter Yoga Club near you! Or do like I’m gonna do… start your own Laughter Yoga Club. I just found this concept and this site yesterday, and it [...]
Get Psych Help
wow, you guys gotta check out this site. they have a bunch of quizzes (which I highly recommend, because AWAREness is the first key to change!) a Rate ‘n Review section about different meds and techniques. a Support Community (which we have, but you can’t have too much support.) news and articles. (hint: use their [...]
What if
What if our disorders are really all emotion-based.That would mean that we are totally in control of our disorders, wouldn’t it. What if, by changing our emotions, we could actually change our body.What if by healing our emotions, we could heal our body. and rid ourselves of dis-ease and dis-orders. what if…
Sound Bites
—12.1 heard at ND… it feels good to be in my skin, to be me. I don’t think I’m all that just a nice centered "I’m Ok". I like being me. I know I’m exactly where God meant me to be. I have found a happiness that I only remember feeling a few times in [...]
Laughter Yoga
Check this out… Exercise your body and your Feelings at the same time! great idea. This is Laughter Yoga, a sidesplitting new fitness fad that’s part traditional yoga, part improv and all silliness. "”Most people think they have to feel good first in order to laugh. But you can start from nothing, you can even [...]
Who am I?
I am your constant companion. I will push you forward to success or I will drag you down to failure. I am completely at your command. 80% of what you do, you might as well hand over to me and I will do it promptly and I will do it correctly. I am easily managed; [...]
At least I loved
=) : ^ )) "if it doesn’t last, it doesn’t last. f~ck it. at least I loved." – Lori Seargeant, 11.29.06 ===============================
Grizzybel
(possible opening for host at new 2GetHelp.com site) "Hi, I’m grizzybel, your host.I’m over 650 years old and I’ve come to show you what I have learned along the way.most of it’s very simple, actually. it’s just that the hurt stuff overshadows the happy stuff, so people don’t like to ‘go there’. but go there, [...]
Anger and Rage at Work
Hi: Here’s a good article about dealing with Anger and Rage at work. It’s entitled "Desk rage: Workers gone wild". Some good quotes from the article:"The people more likely to experience desk rage are those with the least power." (powerlessness leads to rage). "When we become angry, our bodies “flood” with a rush of adrenaline [...]
Self Worth
What other people think about me and the value they place on me has always been very important. It was the only way that I could accept that I was a valuable person. In order to make me invaluable, I never said no and spent all of my time learning and mastering new skills. Instead [...]
Emotional Intelligence – Defined
Below are the 5 aspects of Emotional Intelligence that need to be Mastered.
Attraction, not Promotion
From now on, ND will be a program of Attraction, not Promotion. I will no longer ‘promote’ or ‘sell’ our ND class to anyone. What I WILL promote, however, is FEELINGS, and Emotions, and Love, and Joy, and sadness, and anger, and compassion and Freedom of the heart and mind. Those I’m gonna push, hard. [...]
Shoulds can be Good or Bad
We’ve been saying that "Shoulds are bad". period. but I have another take on that… I say that there are good Shoulds and bad Shoulds. Good shoulds are shoulds that you agree with… I should brush my teeth. I should change my oil every 3,000 miles. I should get up and pick-up the baby. I [...]
Talking to Yourself
Some say you’re crazy if you talk to yourself… well, I don’t see how you could NOT talk to yourself! for us to understand our very Thoughts, they must be formed into some kind of ‘words’. something that makes sense to us. Isn’t Thinking then, just a form of Talking? we talk to ourselves CONSTANTLY… [...]
Quotes on Love and Safety
"One word frees us from the weight and pain of life; that word is LOVE." – Sophocles "Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are — chaff and grain together.Certain that a faithful [...]
Quotes on Happiness
"Happiness depends upon ourselves."- Aristotle "Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will never lead you astray." – Rumi "Re-examine all that you have been told . . . dismiss that which insults your soul."— Walt Whitman "For magic to happen in your life, you must first [...]
Hope in Failure
Another restless night in a string of many restless nights. Tonight do I decide to stay in bed and toss and turn until dawn, break down a take a sleeping pill to find the peace to sleep through the night, or take the time to do the soul searching to find the truth in the [...]
Anger
Anger has been the most difficult emotion for me to accept. Mostly because I did not understand the difference between anger and the anger/fear combination of my experiences. Fear that my father’s anger and physical abuse would be directed at me. Fear of the anger and physical abuse directed at me by my mother. Fear [...]
Quotes on Love
"One word frees us from the weight and pain of life; that word is love." –Sophocles "Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are — chaff and grain together — certain that a [...]
Feeling IQ
Ok, here’s my new term for all the lessons we teach: Feeling IQ. As you may know about me, I have been trying for years to find the right words to NAME what it is that we do, the concepts we teach, the movement we believe in. You know how the internet is just a [...]
Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ
IQ = Intelligence Quotient score.Feeling IQ = Emotional Intelligence score.Emotional intelligence why it can matter more than IQ IQ is a measure of Intelligence, ability to learn, smarts. Your IQ is about your ability to think. Feeling IQ is a measure of how well you know YOURSELF, how you deal with your emotions, your environment [...]
Depression and Grief
This has been a week of bouncing between high highs and low lows. Today I reached a point where I have just had enough. I am tired of making decisions. I am tired of questioning my own motives. I am tired of interacting with people. I am tired of wearing the masks. I am tired [...]
Post #500
Well, folks, this post is officially the 500th post on this blogsite! … and the message hasn’t changed over the past 3 years (only refined a bit). It’s still: Emotional Intelligence is the key to Happiness and Success in your life! You can’t Heal what you can’t Feel.If you need some help with your feelings [...]
The Guest House
By Jelaluddin Rumitranslated by Coleman Barks in his book *Essential Rumi* This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest [...]
Love, by Leo Buscaglia
Read the book "Love" by Leo Buscaglia http://www.buscaglia.com/
Why do we Love?
Remember the Love.Do you know WHY you love? Why do we love? I ask people that question and they usually come up with a socially-acceptable response like "to help" or "to find a mate" or "to be loved." but I believe we love for 1 main reason: "IT FEELS GOOD!""It’s Fun!" – "It makes me [...]
All That Really Matters is the Love!
"Whatever you do today, remember ONE thing.That in the end, all that really matters is the LOVE!Did you seek it? Did you find it?But most importantly – DID YOU GIVE IT?Remember the LOVE!" – Veronica Hay, shared by Larry Clovis on our awesome emotional support site, 2GetHelp. Check other inspiring stories and articles here.
Beliefs
This morning my daughter came to me looking very sad and scared. She had heard from her boyfriend that his mother had cancer and she wanted to know what I could tell her about the disease. I could tell by her comments and actions that she had accepted this diagnosis as a death sentence and [...]
What Counts?
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." – Albert Einstein
Rescuing Myself
I went to the New Directions workshop this weekend as an assistant and had no conscious plans on anything I wanted to work on for myself. I think I knew that by assisting this weekend that I would gain something. And just like the first time through this workshop, I am surprised by what it [...]
Pandora’s Box
There are times that I just know that I need to write about. Coincidences don’t just happen, I am really believing that it is a message that I need to hear. Last week while driving home I was thinking about the changes I have been through in the last two years and how it reminded [...]
What is Love?
"Love is not only something you FEEL. It is also something you DO." – David Wilkerson "The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the other…. The whole purpose of life is to live by love." – Thomas Merton
Letting Go
When my parents divorced, I was thirteen and my sister was eleven. My Dad was working overseas and was gone 9 months out of the year and then resettled in another state with his new wife when he returned. When Mom wasn’t locked away in her room, she was out with one boyfriend [...]
Tame the Beast Within
Get a Clue about your Feelings and how they affect you. Get a Grip on the reigns, so you’re makin’ the plans and runnin’ the show. Get a Life, build a Life, CREATE a LIFE that’s Joyous and Happy and FREE!! — Our Feelings & Emotions are our COMMAND CENTER. If we don’t know who’s [...]
Boundaries are Essential Tools!
TEACH PEOPLE how to do Boundariesawesome parenting tip teach your young kids to Stick their Tongue Out at people, when the time is right. especially smaller, wimpier kids. This is a Personal Power exercise. that means: I reject you.I push you away.I disagree with you, and/or your assessment of me.I disregard you.I don’t care [...]
Depression can be a Tool!
I don’t get depressed anymore. not ever. unless by my direction. I will sometimes Shut Down my feelings, on purpose, to rest, to rejuvenate, to come back Stronger and Clearer. … but I don’t ever get depressed, fer real. Use Depression as a Tool, not a Weakness. An Asset, not a Disease! Depression is a [...]
Sharing our Feelings
"Damn, I’m Hungry…. There, now I’ve talked about my feelings." – from a New Zealand ad for meat pies (thanks Cheryl! LOL!!)
Freedom to Choose
"Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you." – Richard Bach
Write Your Own Rules
Dr. Wayne Dyer when accepting his Einstein award defined the Philosophy of Relativity to the audience by commenting on his baldness. Dr. Dyer is almost completely bald but stated that if you found the same amount of hair in a bowl of soup that it would be a lot of hair. [...]
Personal Responsibility
"A successful person realizes his personal responsibilityfor self-motivation. He starts with himself because hepossesses the key to his own ignition switch."- Kemmons Wilson
The Secret is Out: Feelings are the Key to Happiness!
I just watched the movie: "The Secret". Incredibly powerful message there! In the movie, they make a strong point that:"Feelings are the Key to Happiness!" and I so totally AGREE! However, in order to manage our feelings, we first have to be "in touch" with our Feelings! Feelings can be mighty confusing at times. Need [...]
The Secret
Want the Secret to happiness, joy and success? Click the picture above for a preview … (it’s $4.95 to watch this full-length movie, but it’s WELL WORTH IT!!) – Matt p.s. – oh, here it is for free!http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7153285084873084783
Enthusiasm
"If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm." – Bruce Barton "The important thing to remember is that if you don’t have that inspired enthusiasm that is contagious whatever you do have is also contagious." – Danny Cox "Exaggerate Enthusiasm!!" – Dr. Tim Goulart "When we accept tough [...]
Emotional Freedom!
Are you free, emotionally? Having trouble in your relationships because you just can’t communicate what your heart wants to say? Know you have issues inside of you that you just can’t resolve by yourself? Are you Angry much of the time? Do you feel Depressed? Does your past still have a hold on you, emotionally? [...]
I cry.
I hurt. I cry. I smile. I dry. – Matt-atak
Emotional Beliefs
"It is hard to let old emotional beliefs go. They are familiar. We are comfortable with them and have spent years building systems and developing habits that depend on them. Like a man who has worn eyeglasses so long that he forgets he has them on, we forget that the world looks to us the [...]
Be Yourself!
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." – Dr. Seuss “What you must dare is to be yourself.” [...]
Happiness
"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." – Denis Waitley "The great Western disease is, "I’ll be happy when…" When I get the money. When I get a BMW. When I get this job. Well, the reality is, [...]
We have Choices! LOTS of Choices!
"By becoming a conscious choice-maker, you begin to generate actions that are evolutionary for you." – Deepak Chopra GOOD NEWS: You probably have way more Choices, emotionally, than you ever thought possible!! You can Choose to be Happy. You can Choose to NOT be a victim. You can Choose to let go of your [...]
Quotes on Self-Awareness
“Self-knowledge is the great power by which we comprehend and control our lives.” – Vernon Howard "It is not enough to have great qualities, we should also have the management of them." – Francois de La Rochefoucald "There isn’t a ruler, a yard stick or a measuring tape in the entire world long enough to [...]
eBook Development
Taming the Beast Within"Harness the power of your feelings & emotions to become a great Friend, a passionate Lover and a profoundly Happy Person." New Book Development Outline… Top 10 Lessons — tell at least 1 story in each oneIntroduction- Success comes from Happiness, not the other way around- Wanna be rich? wanna be happy? [...]
Feeling Quotes
"The trouble with life isn’t that there is no answer, it’s that there are so many answers." – Ruth Benedict Did is a word of achievement,Won’t is a word of retreat,Might is a word of bereavement,Can’t is a word of defeat. Ought is a word of duty,Try is a word of each hour,Will is a [...]
Feelings and “I Messages”
"How to Express Difficult Feelings", by Dr. Larry Alan Nadig, Ph.D.http://www.drnadig.com/feelings.htm In these instructions, Dr. Nadig explains nicely how to do one of the most powerful verbal Communication skills we know of for expressing our feelings clearly and with personal responsibility… the use of "I" Messages. Using "I" Messages ("I feel…", "I believe…", "I would [...]
Emotional Quotient
The baddest EQ site on the internet: http://www.6seconds.org/ "Emotional intelligence is critical to leadership, learning, and organizational performance. Learn from the leaders in the field how to raise your and others’ emotional intelligence. Gain an in-depth understanding of emotional intelligence as you develop new tools you can put to work immediately."
Confidence
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face… The danger lies in refusing to face the fear, in not daring to come to grips with it. You must make yourself succeed every time. You must do the thing you think you cannot do." [...]
EQ for Families
EQ for Families (EQ = Emotional Quotient or Emotional Intelligence, imho one of THE most important skills you can learn as a parent!)http://www.6seconds.org/family/ Workshop One: Emotional Literacy — “The Power of Feelings.” Help your children recognize and use emotions to increase self-awareness and compassion. (FREE if you’re willing to spread the word, and give feedback). [...]
Heal your Past
Hi. We just did another one of our amazingly powerful ND classes again this weekend. Been doing them for 20 years now (wow!) and we’re getting pretty good at teaching them. It still floors me how much change we can make in people’s lives — release their pent-up feelings, change their beliefs about themselves and [...]
Let Yourself Feel
"And though the tears fall, I am okay." a quote I read today on our online support group from a young lady who was remembering her Mom as she slipped away. … so short, so beautiful… and says so much… it’s about:Power.Allowing.Identification.Release.Hope.Sadness.Joy.Self-Esteem.Faith.Trust.Life. wow. it says it all.- Matt
7 Steps to Healing your Feelings
Follow these 7 simple (tho’ sometimes not Easy) steps to learn to "Deal with" your feelings & emotions. Notice that you DO feel (many deny the whole concept) Identify ‘em. Helps to put a name to them, and to understand yourself to a much greater depth. Accept ‘em. Yes. They are there, and they are [...]
Quotes on Success
"It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed." – Napoleon Hill History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. – Winston Churchill "The world cares very little about what a man or woman knows; it is what the man or woman is able [...]
Learning about your Feelings!
Hi Matt – I just wanted to say thanks for the information you have been sending me. I have been struggling through a "growth" period of life, and I have really been having a hard time sorting a lot of stuff out. Learning about my feelings and how to interpret them has really helped. I [...]
Feelings can be damned Uncomfortable
By definition, feelings get REPRESSED because they’re too damned Uncomfortable to get Expressed. Whatever the reason for repressing our feelings like: we’d ‘get in trouble’ for being angry or sad we’d be laughed at or humiliated for expressing ourselves we were specifically told NOT TO express ourselves we were guilted into it, or not shown [...]
Don’t THINK Away Your Feelings!
“When emotions are managed by the heart, they heighten your awareness of the world around you and add sparkle to life. The result is new intelligence and a new view of life.” – Doc Childre and Howard Martin "Learning to be aware of feelings, how they arise and how to use them creatively so they [...]
“Road Rage”
‘Road rage’ gets a medical diagnosis http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13152708/ "To you, that angry, horn-blasting tailgater is suffering from road rage. But doctors have another name for it — intermittent explosive disorder — and a new study suggests it is far more common than they realized, affecting up to 16 million Americans." “People think it’s bad behavior and [...]
Why some men are more aggressive than others
Article:Genes plus environment during childhood may help explain bad behavior The study findings imply that even though a child may have a genetically related increased susceptibility for conduct problems, affectionate and loving parents can negate this increased susceptibility, Manuck said. “We can’t change our genes, but perhaps we can change our rearing environment. Full Article: [...]
Take Responsibility for your Life!
"The difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next. The difference between the two is the difference between living fully and just existing." – Michael E. Gerber
Believe!
Believe in yourself and don’t give up on your ideas, squash your passions or discount your feelings. "A new idea is a delicate thing. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a quip; it can be worried to death by a frown on the right [...]
Loving Fearlessly
"When we love fearlessly, we can experience our feelings in all their depth and passion without letting them control us. We can recognize that feelings are not facts, they are reactions to the world." – Coach Rhonda Britten, ‘Fearless Loving’http://www.fearlessliving.org/shop_online/merchandise/books/fearless_loving
Ego is the Enemy of Self-Awareness
As I have grown emotionally, I’ve found that I am severely co-dependent, fairly wimpy, sometimes mean, have ADHD, and often lost and lack direction. ouch. "Enlightenment is ego’s ultimate disappointment." – Chögyam Trungpa Think about it, it’s true! As you learn more and more about yourself — about your issues, your "unconscious mechanisms", your pet [...]
Feel it!
"Sense. Understand. Adapt." – a new Adidas Commercial Same goes for our Feelings. Sense that a big feeling is forming inside your body. Understand what’s happenin’ inside you. Adapt to it. Learn from it. Express it. Relieve it. simple, yet incredibly effective!
Tired of being Scared & Shy all the time?
Fear can be so pervasive. Are you sick and tired of feeling scared, afraid or fearful every day? That can get sooo old! Worried about other people — what they think of you, what they might do to you, how they might react to you. It can totally ruin your life experience. I used to [...]
Selling Success vs. Happiness
It’s a tough sale, selling "feelings" and "happiness". It’s much easier to sell "Success", "Career Advancement", "Increased Sales" or "Business Advancement", as these all make people more money. Just being "happier" and "Feeling better" seem too mushy and intangible, I guess. I can show you example after example of how people who have gotten better [...]
How to Reduce Stress!
Did you know that most of our STRESS is due to either unresolved Fear or Anger? That’s great news, I think! That means that all we need to do is be able to handle our fears and our angers and we can live pretty Stress-free from here on. Fear is about the Future. We’re not [...]
Courage to BE
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. – E. E. Cummings, 1894-1962, American Poet/Painter/Playwright It’s not easy dealing with your feelings. It’s not always fun, either. It takes courage, faith, hope and a strong belief that you’re doing the right thing. But it’s still gotta be done. Many people are [...]
New Directions Can Help you Heal!
As you may know, this site was started to express some of the many powerful teachings and lessons we learned while teaching our incredibly intensive, feelings-based workshops over the last 20 years. New Directions is the most challenging, life-changing, emotion-expressing, pain-healing, love-generating workshop I’ve ever seen or heard of. Here’s an unsolicited testimonial sent to [...]
Love is…
Here’s something I wrote yesterday for a dear friend’s wedding that I thought I’d share with you. We can’t go to wedding physically so she asked that I write something for them to read during the ceremony, so we could be there in spirit. Here goes… Love is … Life’s journey brings love into our [...]
Loving Yourself
“At the heart of personality is the need to feel a sense of being lovable without having to qualify for that acceptance.” – Dr. Paul Tournier “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha “Love really IS the answer!” – Matt Perelstein
Post Mania
Blog StatsPosts: 444 | Comments: 38 | TrackBacks: 24 Total number of page views: 35,028 Average per day: 43 Last 7 days: 431 wow. No other way I could have shared so much, with so many, for so long!- Matt
Are you pissed off?!?
"Resentment comes from the repression of feelings, not the expression of feelings!" – Doc Downing, Ph.D, LMFT Express your anger and resentments! Get them out of your body — if not directly to the person that you’re angry at — then to another safe person who will listen and understand, without judgment. And, if you [...]
We did it!
Day 100 of 100!! Yeehaa!! WE DID IT! 100 Emotional Lessons in 100 Days (well, about 111, but close enuf!). Let’s recap what we learned about Taking Control of our Feelings & Emotions… Feelings are a GOOD thing, not a Bad thing! (MOST important!) Feelings are a natural, God-given right that all us humans have [...]
Choose Your Battles
Day 99 of 100: We can’t get upset about Everything, right? We always have Choices, including choosing what we are going to get upset about and what to get in a fight or war over. Certainly, there are things worth fighting for in life. Many things. But there are also times when it’s best to [...]
What is Normal?
Day 98 of 100: Have you ever felt like you weren’t "normal"? Of course! Almost everyone has felt this at one time or another in their lives. Doc says "Reality is what you get used to." That means that whatever you grew up with and lived with on a daily basis probably felt Normal to [...]
1 Feeling Gets Cut Off, They all Go!
Day 97 of 100: Do you have a Feeling that is Unacceptable to you? "If you cut off one feeling, you cut them all off." – Doc Downing, Ph.D, LMFT We can’t just cut off one feeling. If one goes, they all go. Is your Anger unacceptable to you? Do you avoid your Sadness? Do [...]
Resentment can kill you!
Day 96 of 100: Are you holding on to Resentment? "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." If we stay angry at someone, we are carrying that negative energy around inside of us. If we stay [...]
Be Respectful of Other’s Feelings
Day 95 of 100: Respecting other people’s feelings We keep talking about dealing with OUR feelings, but what about other people’s feelings? The better we know ourselves, the more understanding and compassionate we can be for others. Sometimes people are scared, or insecure, but they Sound angry. Sometimes people are sad, or down, but they [...]
Be Happy!
Day 94 of 100: Be Happy! If you don’t FEEL HAPPY, then Fake it ’til you Make it! Act happy, exaggerate enthusiasm, move your body, smile, move, sing, dance. Tell your body that you’re happy… and if you do it long enuf, it might just believe you! Enjoy!- Matt
Imagine No Possessions
Day 93 of 100: What would it be like to have only yourself? So many of the New Orleans-area Katrina victims were left with what? NOTHING. Absolutely, 100% Nothing but the CLOTHES they were wearing. No possessions (can you imagine? I wonder if you can.) They had nothing, right? What else did these survivors carry [...]
Growth Path
Day 92 of 100: Where are you along your path? Here are 5 stages I came up with re: personal growth and development. The bottom stage is where you are still living in, and controlled by, your past. The top stage has cleaned-up most ALL of your past and are boldly and cleanly venturing into [...]
Behavior Modification
Day 91 of 100: How our Behaviours are Created. Here’s how our brain works. There are 2 sides of the brain, the Left hemisphere and the Right hemisphere. The Left side handles logic, thought and reason, known as the Cognitive side. The Right side is for pictures, sound and feelings, known as the Affective side. [...]
Emotional Toolbox
Day 90 of 100: What is an Emotional Toolbox, and how do we use it? When we notice that stuff is broken or tweaked or loose, we try to fix it (or find someone who can), right? Then, once it gets irritating enough, we decide we are gonna do something about it. Assuming we have [...]
Shock and Confusion
Day 89 of 100: Can we actually "choose" whether to we feel Shocked, or Confused? The idea that "we can choose our feelings" isn’t exactly accurate. All feelings come from perceptions, decisions, conclusions, expectations and beliefs that we have garnered throughout our lifetime. So, it’s not a matter of choosing whether to feel shocked or [...]
Dealing with Feelings
Day 88 of 100: How do you deal with negative feelings? We call it "sitting through" the feelings. When something really negative comes up for you (like sadness, fear, guilt, or anger), sometimes it’s best not to DO anything with it, at all. Just "sit through" the feeling. Like with Urges, most feelings will pass, [...]
Almost There
Day 87 of 100: We’re almost done with this series. Well, we’re on Day 87, and almost done with this series of Emotional Lessons (thanks for hangin’ in there with me!). So, as we say at our powerful ND class…NOW WHAT?!? Now that we know all this cool info and have these new skills, Now [...]
Denial and Defensiveness
Day 86 of 100: What’s our purpose in defending ourselves? I have come to believe that being Defensive is a waste of time. If I am wrong, I need to learn from it.If I am right, right is it’s own defense. So what’s the purpose of our denial? Is it that we can’t handle the [...]
How we Learn
Day 85 of 100: There are steps we go through in learning anything new. The 4 Steps to Learning 1. Unconsciously Incompetent (we don’t know that we don’t know) 2. Consciously Incompetent (we find out that we don’t know) 3. Consciously Competent (we find out how to know) 4. Unconsciously Competent (we know without having [...]
Acceptance
Day 84 of 100: Can you accept other people’s Reality, even if you don’t Agree with it? "Feelings need to be Accepted… but Acceptance does not necessarily mean Approval." – Doc Downing, Ph.D, LMFT Each one of us has our own reality, ones we have created out of our beliefs, values, expectations and conclusions about [...]
Know your Feelings, Know your Self!
Day 83 of 100: How aware are you? "If you know what you Feel, you’ll know who you are and what you want!" – Doc Downing, Ph.D, LMFT "Who am I?" "What am I doing here?" "What is my life about?" These are basic questions that we’ve all had to answer at some point in [...]
10 Ways to Live Longer
Day 82 of 100: Hints on How your Feelings can help your Life 10 ways to live longer Great Article According to Forbes, below are some practical ways to live longer, healthier lives. And Yes, most have to do with FEELING better = Live Longer. 5 out of 10 are feeling-based and ALL are behavior [...]
Laughter helps, Depression hurts
Day 81 of 100: Physically, there really are Good feelings and Bad feelings. Laughter helps, Depression hurts A daily dose of laughter may be good for the heart because, like exercise, it makes blood vessels work more efficiently, U.S. researchers reported. Depression, on the other hand, can raise the risk of dying from heart failure, [...]
Turning Anger into Love
Day 80 of 100: Can we turn our Anger into Love? It’s not: I love you but I’m angry with you. It’s: I love you and I’m angry with you. both can exist at the same time. remove the anger and what’s left, the Love. Remember, we wouldn’t get so angry at the people in [...]
Feelings go Up and Down
Day 79 of 100: Feel the Contrast Joy and Sorrow "Life is the coexistence of all opposite values. Joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, up and down, hot and cold, here and there, light and darkness, birth and death. All experience is by contrast, and one would be meaningless without the other." – Deepak Chopra [...]
Ready to Get some Help?
Day 78 of 100: Let’s help you break-through your fear, doubts and limiting beliefs. Does your life feel out of control? Is your past dragging you down? Ready to "deal with" your Feelings and move on? If you can’t make it out to California for our amazing ND class, you can still get many of [...]
Anger is a Secondary Feeling
Day 77 of 100: Anger is NOT a primary feeling! Of your body’s primary feelings (including fear, sadness, physical pain, joy, peace, love, etc) anger is not one of them. Anger is what we call a ‘secondary feeling’, in that: "You will always feel something first, BEFORE you feel anger." – Doc Downing, Ph.D., LMFT [...]
Being There for Others
Day 76 of 100: How to "Be There" for Others. If you know that you will get your needs met – sometime, some place – you can put your own needs aside for a minute and "be there" for the important people in your life. The #1 most important part of Being There is to [...]
Reaching Out
Day 75 of 100: How & why do we reach out to others? Ok, so you’re aware that: You have issues. You are not alone. (other people have issues, too.) Some other people have answers. Love and connections are some of the keys to a happy, healthy life. CONGRATS, ’cause Awareness is the 1st key [...]
Visualize it!
Day 74 of 100: You can make it happen in your life. "People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they [...]
Happy Birthday to me!
Day 73 of 100: Yes, today is my 46th birthday — Yeehaa!! ~=:c ) I feel old, and young, at the same time. I’m young at heart — love to play, and laugh, especially with kiddos and friends. But I’m also kinda stiff and creeky sometimes (even tho’ I can play [...]
The Purposes of Anger
Day 72 of 100: There are 3 Purposes to Anger. To Manipulate – "Hey! Stay out of the Street!" To Feel Better – Venting, energy release, relief To Keep People Away – "Back off, buddy!" Get to know your anger. Make friends with it, and use it wisely!
Enjoy Your Choice!
ENJOY YOUR CHOICE! When people "give their power away" by thinking a situation is out of their control when, in fact, it is about a decision they have made, it creates a lot of anxiety and unhappiness. If people can re-frame the situation and really "get" that it is a decision that they made (and [...]
Self-Anger
Day 71 of 100: How do we deal with Anger at ourselves? Wow, that’s a tough question. We speak of "dealing with" our anger at a perpetrator, or uncaring parent, or someone’s who abandoned or betrayed us… but what if the focus of our anger is at Ourselves? Here’s a few thoughts on this touchy, [...]
Guilt: Two Kinds
Day 70 of 100: Guilt can be Good or Bad. There are Two (2) Kinds of Guilt: Punishing Guilt — when you’re Trashing yourself and beating yourself up for something you did, or didn’t do. and then there’s Productive Guilt – when you are Learning your lesson, taking the consequences of your actions boldly and [...]
Parenting Tips
Day 69 of 100: Your Child’s Self-Esteem I just read this and it hit me. According to Redirecting Children’s Behavior: The average child receives 12.5 minutes per day in a communication with a parent. On the average, a child receives 400 negative comments compared to only 32 positive comments per day. In a study of [...]
Trust
Day 68 of 100: Let’s talk about Trust. Ok, so you may have gotten burned in past relationships. Who hasn’t?!? Join the club. So how do you rebuild your level of Trust in other humans? Ronald Reagan said:"Trust and Verify" We got burned by someone who didn’t do what we Expected them to do (or [...]
Feelings vs Commitment
Day 67 of 100: If we’re supposed to be "in touch" with our feelings, how do we get ourselves to do stuff we don’t FEEL like doing? Doc says "We never do anything we don’t want to do." Sounds crazy, right? Well, as you know, we ALWAYS have Choices. If we didn’t want to go [...]
Release of Feelings
Day 66 of 100: How do we feel better?? Have you ever felt the exhilaration and incredible Release that you feel after a strong, powerful, energy-releasing SCREAM?? How about the peace and calm you feel after a good, long, deep heart-wrenching CRY? Not a complaining, whiney, powerless bitch-session… I’m talking about REALLY dealing with your [...]
Feelings are the Real Deal
Day 65 of 100: WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH OUR FEELINGS!!! There ain’t no 2 ways about it. WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH OUR FEELINGS!! Feelings are with us 24×7, 365, since we were old enuf to be aware of ourselves until the day we die! They’ve been unconsciously forming, and molding, and growing since [...]
Replace Negative Feelings
Day 64 of 100: A breathing exercise to replace negative feelings with positive ones. What if you could breathe out your negative feelings, and breathe in positive ones? Be still, in a quiet place. Acknowledge the feeling you have (hate, anger, bitterness, sadness, fear, etc). Know it. Accept that it is in you right now. [...]
Happiness
Day 63 of 100: How do we "get happy"? Happiness is within you. Happiness is Joy. Happiness is doing pretty much what you want to do, with the people you choose to do it with. Happiness is the absence of negative emotions, beliefs and Shoulds. "Being happy doesn’t mean everything’s perfect. It means you’ve decided [...]
Closeness and Intimacy
Day 62 of 100: How do we Connect with others? "The true primary goal of all behavior is to find a sense of belonging and significance." – Dr. Rudolph Dreikurs Feeling Close, Connected, Intimate, Belonging, Attached, IN, "in love", in relationship, kickin’ it with friends or family… that’s what it’s all about. "Emotional Intelligence (EQ) [...]
LOVE
Day 61 of 100: Love really IS the Answer! "Love is the ONLY sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence." – Erich Fromm My #1 favorite Love story: "Bridge Across Forever" by Richard Bach. buy it here. (changed my life!) Some say that Love and Fear are the only 2 primary feelings. [...]
Joy
Day 60 of 100: How do we create Joy & Fun in our lives? "Joy is not in things! It is in us!" – Ben Franklin Here’s what Joy is about: People want Joy. We can only feel our Joy, as much as we are willing to feel our Sadness. People will do more to [...]
Peace
Day 59 of 100: Give Peace a chance! "You have everything you need for complete peace and total happiness right now. You can have no inner peace as long as the controls of your life are located outside of yourself." – Dr. Wayne Dyer Peace is a ‘natural’ state of being. When we are very [...]
Guilt, Shame & Low Self-Esteem
Day 58 of 100: Now here comes the Really yucky ones! "Whenever we feel guilty, we will set ourselves up to be punished." – Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT Guilt and Shame can do more to RUIN our lives than almost any feeling there is! And the most wonderful thing about both of them is that: [...]
Depression
Day 57 of 100: How do we deal with our Depression? "Depression is anger turned inward." – Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT Depression is anger without enthusiasm Depression is your body’s way of saying "that’s enough" or even "that’s too much". Depression is your body Shutting Down your feelings Depression is It is physically impossible to [...]
Where people go 2GetHelp!
Are you sick and tired of living in pain?Is your past haunting your present?Do you feel out-of-control, emotionally? Problem: You want to feel better about yourself, your past, your family and your life. Solution:We help people who are stuck in their feelings (like anger or sadness or fear), whose feelings are "shut down", who are [...]
Sadness & Grief
Day 56 of 100: How do we deal with sadness, grief and loss? Sad is for letting go. Sadness is about a loss. Sadness is our body’s way of letting go, releasing & crying away the pain. The anecdote for sadness is to Cry. If we cry and cry and get no relief, there is [...]
Fear
Day 55 of 100: What do we do with our Fear? Fear is our body’s way of telling us to "Pay Attention". Fear is in our heart. Fear is about the Future. (what might, or might not, happen) Fear and Love are the only 2 primary feelings (some say). Fear can be debilitating Fear can [...]
Anger & Rage
Day 54 of 100: Let’s talk about Anger imho, Anger is the #1 most mis-understood Feeling we have. It’s socially unacceptable, most people don’t understand or appreciate their anger (and even deny it), and Anger has gotten a very bad rap. Is there a such thing as Good Anger? Yes! What’s the #1 best way [...]
The BIG 10 Feelings & Emotions
Day 53 of 100: Let’s talk about each Feeling, specifically. In the next 10 Days, we are going to discuss each of what I call: The BIG 10 Feelings & Emotions… Anger & Rage Fear Sadness & Grief Depression Guilt, Shame & Low Self-Esteem Peace Joy & Fun Love Closeness & Intimacy Happiness We’ll discuss [...]
Questions & Answers
Day 52 of 100: FAQ – Here are my answers to some commonly asked questions… Why are we here? To love and feel loved. What is my purpose? To help ourselves, and others, feel as loved as we possibly can, while we’re here. How come I’m all over the place, emotionally?It’s ok, it’s just Feelings. [...]
Parenting Tips
Here are some powerful Parenting Tips, by Drena. 1) Don’t take anything personally. What your children do is part of developing (unless there are larger issues at hand) in a healthy way. Children will guilt you, bribe you, blackmail you, shun you, manipulate you, bargain with you…. your job is to not give in. 2) [...]
Einstein on Feelings
Day 51 of 100: What Albert Einstein says about Feelings Check this out… here’s what was said over a hundred years ago by one of my heroes. "A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as [...]
About People
Day 50 of 100: I Know People Who Love… One of my proudest things, is the feeling that I Know People. To me, people are THE most interesting thing in my life! … and one of the coolest thing about people is that there is absolutely NO WAY to know all there is to know [...]
FEAR = Face Everything And Recover
Day 49 of 100: How do you handle your Fear(s)? You may have heard the acronym for FEAR as: "F*** Everything And Run"… but I’d rather see you make it: "Face Everything And Recover". "Any one can run towards the light. It takes a master with courage to turn and face the darkness and shine [...]
Choices
Choices Current mood: contemplative God gave me air, but it is my choice to breathe. Life is full of choices, and living life is one of them. One of the most important decisions I have ever made was to live. Really live. I also get to choose my reality. Many may disagree, but my reality [...]
Feelings are a “Package Deal”
Day 48 of 100: You can’t cut off just one Feeling… they all go. Doc Downing, therapist extraordinaire, says that we cannot cut off only 1 feeling… cut 1 off and they all go. Let’s say that you have decided that one of your feelings is "bad" and that you WILL NOT feel it — [...]
Who are you Talking to?
Day 47 of 100: Do you fit in here? Here’s the "audience" for this material. Do you fit in anywhere here?? The clueless.The ‘broken’.The discouraged.The hopeless. The distant.The lonely.The unhappy.The estranged.The separated. Those who don’t fit in.Those who feel strange, or weird, or different.Those who feel dirty, or wrong, or bad, or ugly.Those who are [...]
46 Years and still Learning
Day 46 of 100: Continuing to Learn Well, I’ll be 46 a month from yesterday… and I’m still learning… a Lot. When I was a kid in junior high and high school, my parents took me to a few different psychiatrists to get some help… as I was obviously unhappy, depressed, overweight and clueless. Someone [...]
A New Sense of Self
Day 45 of 100: Selfish vs. Self-full I am coining a new phrase "Self-full". Selfish is about "me first, I don’t care about you."but Self-full is about "me first, so that I can be there for you even more!" There is a way that works Great.It’s about taking care of me, and making sure I’m [...]
On Forgiveness
Day 44 of 100: Quotes on Forgiveness(by M. K. Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT) I do not believe in forgiving, for to forgive you means I first must have judged you. "You no-good low life; you hurt me. I’ll never forgive you for what you did to me." In our churches, as well as in the [...]
How Feelings Get Repressed
Day 43 of 100: Know ‘em -> Accept ‘em-> Express ‘em Here’s one of the big ways that feelings get messed up, inside us. (per Doc) a) As children, we Express our feelings all over the place… but we often got in trouble for that. Our parents weren’t taught how to handle Their feelings, so [...]
Winning the BIG Game of Life
Day 42 of 100: It’s Ok NOT to Fail, too! It’s ok to Fail, in small increments, but it is NOT Ok to Fail the BIG Game of Life. It’s not Ok to hurt people you love, under the guise of Being Honest. It’s not Ok to blast the wrong person. It’s not Ok to [...]
Relationships and Friendships
Day 41 of 100: How to create lasting relationships One of the most common situations that perplexes mankind: How to create friendships, keep them and not hurt one another. It’s not easy; in fact, MOST people don’t know how to do this. MOST friendships end on a sour note. Why? Because we do not understand: [...]
It’s OK to Fail!
Day 40 of 100: Ok, so what’s next? I fail. A LOT.I experiment a LOT… therefore I Fail, a LOT. but that’s Ok with me.I always have some people in my life who are mad at me.I always have some people in my life who don’t like me very much.There are things I can control, [...]
The 5 Love Languages
Day 39 of 100: Ways to Feel Loved In order to be Personally Responsible for ourselves and our relationships, it is our job to TEACH people how to be with us. That is why, the more success we will have in our relationships. The better we know ourselves, the better we can show others in [...]
How do you want your life to Feel?
Day 38 of 100: Making it happen. Make your life Look, and more importantly FEEL, as great as you want it to! Complements that long-time NDers hear:————————————– "What a good listener you are." "You make a great employee… you’re one of the few people around here who actually gives a damn!" "I always know where [...]
Using “I” Messages
Day 37 of 100: Use "I" Messages to avoid Fights The one thing that is NOT debatable in a fight is when you speak about YOUR OWN Feelings, only. If you say, "I feel angry when I’m not listened to", there’s no debate. It is a fact, it is YOUR fact, and it is not [...]
Freedom v. Power
Day 36 of 100: Personal Power = Freedom Imho, one of THE most healing things you can do for yourself, AND the #1 best thing you can do for your Present & your Future, is to get in touch with your own Personal Power. "Freedom is actually a bigger game than power. Power is about [...]
Relationship Success
Day 35 of 100: Successful Relationships Doc writes about what it takes to make your relationships work. Read the entire article (posted at our online support group, 2GetHelp). The 4 Requirements for a Successful Relationship A willingness on the part of both people to share and to accept each other’s feelings. Both people use a [...]
Emotional Needs
Day 34 of 100: Our Emotional Needs Here’s basically how Human Motivation works. We try to satisfy our "needs". First physiological, then emotional. As one level of need gets met, we can move up to the next level. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs1. Food and water2. Shelter and warmth3. Safety & Security <– we can [...]
Personal Power!!
Day 33 of 100:" I Have Personal Power" I believe that this is one of the MOST amazing skills we do at ND… is helping people use their PP! Better, bolder, stronger, more often, more loving, and more clearly with more wisdom and respect for others. You will find that long time NDers LIKE themselves, [...]
Commitment
Day 32 of 100: Commitment Commitment is a key to life. (sorry guys). You do NOT have to commit to marriage. but you DO have to commit to SOMETHING. Almost anything, really. I used to be committed to NOT being committed to anything at all. It felt like freedom, able to breathe, flap, fly. But [...]
Anger -> Depression Connection
Day 31 of 100: The Anger -> Depression Connection Doc says: "Depression is Anger turned inward." So it is so important that we "deal with" and understand our Anger. In his powerful article, This Is A War – DEPRESSION, author Clay Tucker-Ladd agrees: "Depression is an important opportunity to reevaluate your priorities and not a [...]
What We are About
Everyone has their ‘angle’ for how to become healthy and wealthy and wise. Well, here’s our niche. We are about Feelings. We are about People. We are about Love, and Acceptance, and Safety. We are about Caring, and Sharing, and Getting Along. We are about Giving, and Receiving, in equal measures. We are about Healing [...]
Learning to Feel
Day 30 of 100: Coming Out "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud wasmore painful than the risk it took to blossom." – Anais Nin Coming Out — in this context — refers to coming out of your ‘shell’, allowing and feeling your feelings, putting yourself first, become personally [...]
Anger can be your Friend
Day 29 of 100: The Many Benefits of Anger Our Anger tells us WHO we are and WHAT is important to us. If we don’t know, appreciate and learn to LIKE our anger, we are denying a HUGE piece of who we are and what we’re about. How can you have Self-Esteem without Anger? How [...]
Emotion in Motion
Day 28 of 100: Types of Emotion Emotion, without content, or resolution = DRAMA Emotion, in order to release, and heal = VENTING Emotion, for the purpose of hurting others, getting them to ‘like’ you or for emotional blackmail = MANIPULATION Emotion, for the purpose of closeness, openness and intimacy = SHARING Emotion, for the [...]
Personal Events
As a computer programmer, much of programming is about having things Happen at the right time, in the right order, and on the right subject. We have what are called "Events" that happen at different times… like when a report opens, or when a mouse is clicked… these are Events. I just realized that we [...]
Mastering Communications
Day 27 of 100: Communication Skills & Attitudes Really good article on Communication skills, or more importantly, the Attitudes BEHIND the skills. Attitudes underlie our decisions and our behaviors. Read on: NLP Weekly ? How To Master Communication.
Hi
Day 26 of 100: Check in, please. Well, I’m doing it… it’s a quarter of the way through the 100 days.. almost a month, now, and so far, I’m keeping up. I’m really enjoying it, and learning a bunch about myself. I’ve messed up a few times, too. I’ve missed the 9pm deadline twice (midnight [...]
Boundary maintenance
Day 25 of 100: Boundary maintenance is not about Drama. Drama is actually DISrespected, and easily DIScounted. Powerful use of voice, energy, body language, feelings, eyes, THAT’s what’s Respected. You don’t show them all you’ve got, until it’s time.but you also let them know it’s NOTHING to mess with. If you live an emotionally unsafe [...]
7 Step Wrap-up
Day 24 of 100: The 7 Steps to Feeling and Healing Step-by-step, how to take control of your Feelings and Emotions. As with most things, there are a few Choices when it comes to your Feelings. You can:a) Deny that you have them.probably the #1 best way to make sure they CONTINUE! b) Talk about [...]
Step 7: Rejoice about all our Learning and Growth
Day 23 of 100: Step 7 of 7 – Rejoice! and celebrate life, love, pain, the whole enchilada! What if emotional pain was not that bigga deal?What if we could face our very worst fears, head on?What if nothing could get us Angry enough to blow up, ever, unless we allow it to? What if [...]
Adrenaline and Fear
Wow. I just read this article and realized that I live with very high levels of Fear. and I "run adrenaline" quite often… probably to addictive levels.damn. Read this: GREAT article on Fear!Explains how we live on Adrenaline.Too much fear CAN kill us.Adrenaline can also kill us.Our body can easily manufacture enough Adrenaline to kill [...]
Step 6: Replacing our negative feelings with Positive
Day 22 of 100: Step 6 of 7 – Replacing our negative feelings with Positive ones They’re dark. They’re ugly. and they drag us down… so we become aware of them, feel them, and let them go, right? Ok, cool, but we’re not done yet… It’s kinda bizarre how it works, but once the negative [...]
Step 5: Release of negative Feelings
Day 21 of 100: Step 5 of 7 – Release of negative Feelings Let ‘em Go! You don’t need to hang on to them anymore! Whatever they are Protecting inside of you (yep, that’s what they hang around for… to Protect you and to Remind you), you can grow PAST them and find other ways [...]
Thots
Sometimes I let it be known how much I’m here.I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.I want them to understand what’s Possible.I will live my life, from this day forward (actually, I have for some time now, but I believe this is PC – poetically correct)as an Example to others.To push the limits [...]
Step 4: Expressing our Feelings
Day 20 of 100: Step 4 of 7: Expressing our Feelings Doc says, "Feelings expressed as deeply as they are felt, will REDUCE in intensity and are free to change". Our feelings can get ‘stuck’ in our body, and must be Expressed fully, in order to be released. Once you know what we feel, it’s [...]
Step 3: Accepting our Feelings
Day 19 of 100: Step 3 of 7 – Accepting our Feelings Have you ever said "I’m not angry, just hurt?"Or how about "I’m Ok", when you weren’t?Do you find yourself saying "Yes" when you mean "No", or "No" when you mean "Yes"? These are about not Accepting your feelings. If we can ACCEPT that [...]
Step 2: Knowing what our body Feels
Day 18 of 100: Step 2 of 7 Knowing what our body Feels Identification of Feelings. Now it’s time to put a Name to the Feelings we feel. Is it Sadness, or Joy, Guilt or Anger, Fear or Love? (I’ll post a link to the Feelings chart soon… running out of time tonight, sorry.) go [...]
Step 1: Awareness that we Feel
Day 17 of 100: Step 1 of 7 – Awareness that we Feel What are you feeling right now? (stop reading for a sec, close your eyes and just Notice what your body is feeling right now…. go) Were you able to notice some things about how you feel? We never STOP feeling, ever. Even [...]
The 7 Steps to Feelin’ and Healin’
Day 16 of 100: The 7 Steps to Healin’ and Feelin’ As we discussed the first day of this sendout — Follow these 7 Simple (tho’ sometimes not Easy) steps to "Dealing with" your feelings & emotions. 1 Awareness that you do Feel2 Knowing what your body Feels3 Allowing your Feelings4 Expression of Feelings, as [...]
Staying Connected
Day 15 of 100: You gotta stay Connected. I’ve been trying to convince you to live from Love, rather than Fear, right? Here’s the thing about Love, tho. (well, there are lots of tricks to it, but there’s one large, underlying premise to this whole thing.) Love is about Connection. It may be a connection [...]
Love is the Answer
Day 14 of 100: Love really IS the answer. So, what’s the question? The question is, Do you choose Fear, or Love? If you choose Love, that means you’ll need to learn more, and push yourself, and open up, and get started healing some of your past. It’s a commitment to yourself… maybe one of [...]
Quote on Success
"If you have an OPEN HEART, you can articulate life. If you have a CLOSED HEART, you can only get good at one thing, like a PhD, and that’s all you do. You suck at everything else. I think that if you stay open and have a flexible mind, you can learn from Buddist monks, [...]
The Purpose of Anger
Day 13 of 100: What’s GOOD about Anger? Anger has gotten a bad rap. It’s probably the #1 mis-understood feeling of all (imho)… so what’s it for? Anger is for telling us WHO we you are and WHAT is important to us. If we don’t know, appreciate and learn to LIKE our anger, we are [...]
the Purpose of Feelings
Day 12 of 100: What is the Purpose of having Feelings? Everything we do is for a Purpose, to help us in some way… or we wouldn’t keep doing it. What is the PURPOSE of our Feelings? Fear is for a warning. Sad is for letting go. Depression is for overwhelm. Love is for life. [...]
Parenting
5 P’s of Parenting Be Patient. The frustration will pass but this will be your child for the rest of your life. Be the Parent. Your child will find and develop friends. But he or she desperately needs a parent. Be Practical. Your expectations and demands should challenge but not exceed your child’s ability. Be [...]
Love is letting go of Fear
Day 11 of 100: Love is a Decision. Yesterday we talked about Love or Fear, Take your Pick. Well, it turns out that there are whole schools of personal growth who believe that there are ONLY 2 emotions: Love and Fear. One of the books that helped change my life was Gerald Jampolsky’s "LOVE IS [...]
Love or Fear, Take your Pick
Day 10 of 100: Love or Fear There are 2 basic ways to live your life… FEAR-Based:- Afraid of what MIGHT happen, and what other people think of you. or LOVE-Based- Full of life, with people around you, and oodles of love for yourself and others. You are TOTALLY in control of which way you [...]
Where is your Focus?
Day 9 of 100: Timing is everything, right? well, check this one… Guilt is about the Past. Shame is about the Present. Fear is about the Future. * We might feel Guilty about something we DID, or DIDn’t do, in the past. * We might feel Shame about who we are, in the moment. * [...]
Shoulds – Becoming Aware
Day 8 of 100: Shoulds …continued… Yesterday we discussed that, even though we have been teaching for years that Shoulds are a Bad thing, I’m finding that some of my Shoulds are helping me, very much, and are therefore a Good thing! Here’s how to become aware of them… pick a Should that goes on [...]
Shoulds – are they Good or Bad?
Day 7 of 100: Shoulds (here’s something I just thought of, this morning about Shoulds…) We teach that Shoulds are bad, right? We say: "Down with Shoulds!""Have you Should on yourself today?""The 13th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Should On Thyself" Shoulds are other people’s way of controlling you, of cramming their opinions and issues down [...]
Quotes on Personal Growth
Day 6 of 100: A collection of quotes about improving our emotional lives… "There is more to life than increasing its speed." ~ Mahatma Gandhi "Emotional intelligence (EQ), can matter as much as IQ in determining a person’s well-being and effectiveness in life."~ Dr. Claude Steiner "Emotional Literacy; Intelligence with a Heart" (free online book… [...]
Emotional Intelligence
Day 5 of 100: Emotional Intelligence New Terms: Emotional Intelligence (EI) = Understanding and Managing your Feelings and EmotionsEmotional Quotient (EQ) = Like IQ, a measure of one’s emotional knowledge and understanding. Below are the 5 aspects of Emotional Intelligence that all need to be Mastered. 1. Emotional Recognition and Expression: the ability to identify [...]
Stay the Course
Day 4 of 100: Stay the Course The lessons you are learning here are Life-Long changes inside you. They are not quick-fix, learn-’em-and-forget-’em concepts. They are a new way of life. A new way to be. Make sure you get yourself into an Ongoing supportive environment. Whether it’s your family, or your co-workers that you [...]
The opposite of Fear is Faith.
Day 3 of 100: Faith The opposite of Fear is Faith. We only seem to be afraid of what MIGHT happen in the future.- we might get hurt- we might fall- we might be left behind- etc. We are usually NOT afraid if we believe that things are going to work out Ok. That’s called [...]
Feeling Feelings Heals Feelings.
Day 2 of 100: First we had the 7 Steps to Healing and Feeling discussed yesterday. Can you name them? (hint: KAAERRR) But there’s an even more Basic assumption here. Which is… Feeling Feelings Heals Feelings.(say that 3 times fast)Feeling Feelings Heals Feelings.Feeling Feelings Heals Feelings.Feeling Feelings Heals Feelings. Yes, that’s it. If we ALLOW [...]
Healing your Feelings, the Basics
Day 1 of 100: Ok, Welcome to Day 1 of 100 Emotional Tips in 100 Days. I thought I’d start with the basics, so I made a cool Chart to illustrate it for you. Want to Take Control of your Feelings and Emotions? Know and practice the 7 Steps to Healing your Feelings. (KAAERR pronounced ‘care’) [...]
Feel Inspired, Every Day!
Ok, I’m going to make a run at it… starting today, Jan 17, 2006, until Apr 24, 2006, I’m gonna do: 100 Emotional Tips in 100 Days! Find out how to feel and keep feeling.Find out how to love and keep loving.Find out how to be open, or closed, or neutral.Find out how to be [...]
People who Soar
"People who soar are those who refuse to sit back, sigh and wish things would change. They neither complain of their lot nor passively dream of some distant ship coming in. Rather, they visualize in their minds that they are not quitters; they will not allow life’s circumstances to push them down and hold them [...]
Feelings are the Key
Who is our Target Market? Well, I say the question is not about the Target Market. Target markets can be limiting in this case, because we really do have a Universal message to tell. Some are more local, some are to a select group, or a specific type of ailment… but we’re about ALL Ailments. [...]
Go Get Some Help
"Spiritual growth is not made in reaction against, for all striving against imposed restrictions is imaginary. Spiritual growth is accomplished by inclination toward. We grow like the sunflower, following the light." – Joy Houghton spiritual growth will probably NOT just happen to you… you’ll have to go looking for it… and once you do, you’ll [...]
Not my job, man.
My job is NOT to get people to like me. Actually, it doesn’t really matter if they Like me or not. My job is to get people to like THEMSELVES better, because they were around me. That’s the challenge, and that’s the goal. Yep. It’s not about me. It’s about you guys. Rock on.
Perserverance
STILL PERSEVERING It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. Albert Einstein I may not be there yet, but I’m closer than I was yesterday. Author Unknown Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have [...]
Giving = Living
… we are ahead of the curve here, ladies. No one, anywhere, has figured out the Answers that we have… that so many are seeking. Why are we here?To love and feel loved. What is my purpose?To help ourselves, and others, feel as loved as we possibly can, while we’re here. How come I’m all [...]
Sorrow and pain
"The past year was filled with sorrow and pain, and unfortunately tragedy is becoming something that no one can escape. But out of the sad events that occurred in the Gulf Coast, the Sago mines, the Middle East, the London subway, the Vatican, and the 11th Circuit Court, we once again became intimately familiar with [...]
Joy and Sorrow
"Life is the coexistence of all opposite values. Joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain, up and down, hot and cold, here and there, light and darkness, birth and death. All experience is by contrast, and one would be meaningless without the other." – Deepak Chopra In other words, you must FEEL to have a complete [...]
Listening
“Listening frees me to rest in supporting another.” “Paraphrasing is one key to mind of another.” “To Accept, does NOT mean you Agree.” – Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT
Recent Comments