I’m not showing off, here

I’ve been out there in the Feeling trenches for over 20 years now — digging through anguish, pain, rage, sorrow, grief, guilt and shame.

The good news is that we do it in a way that encourages the positive and manages the negative, where I am doing my part to help people feel better about themselves and their lives, forever.

this stuff just comes to me, so I report it to you. 

that is my agreement with my higher power.  that is my “job”.

when my body needs to scream… I let it.

we have found some amazingly simple, practical, common-sencicle ways of being happy… it’s called Dealing with your Feelings.  directly and maturely.

that’s it, bottom line.

it’s not much more complicated than that.

• when our body needs to go to the bathroom, we don’t fight it.
• when our body wants to rest, we let it (well, most do).
• when our body is hungry, we feed it without a fret.

… but when our body needs to cry, oh my gosh, it’s this big dramatic thing >> ! ! >>

• if my body needs to cry… know what I do? …  I let it.
• when my body needs to scream… I make sure that I can let it.
• when my body needs to crash (the famous perelstein pause)… i let it.

… my secret?  I Accept and Encourage the little boy inside of me.

Reward?  my body seems to appreciate the freedom. I make it safe for myself to feel safe and to feel whatever I need to, as deeply as I need to, for as long as I need to.  As a result, by body tends to let go of any negatives amazingly quickly.

I am then free to return to my “natural state” — happiness and cool-nicity!

- matt

p.s- besides, my feelings are my #1 most entertaining thing in my life!  what could mean more to me than me?  I watch me, I experience me, I observe me, and I challenge me.  I love my life and I am never bored.

Speaking of Maslow…

… and speaking of Maslow, let’s take a look at his:

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs.
1.  Food, Water & Air
2.  Personal Safety, Shelter & Security
3.  Belonging & Emotional Safety
4.  Self-Esteem
5.  Self-Actualization

or per the Learning Fountain…

1. PHYSIOLOGICAL – Basic living needs, such as food, water, oxygen and sex.
2. SAFETY – Once physiological needs are satisfied, you need to have a home and other forms of security.
3. BELONGING – So far you have taken care of yourself. Once you do this, you look to make friends, find someone to love and in general feel part of a community.
4. SELF-ESTEEM – You need self-confidence, to be appreciated for what you are and be treated with dignity.
5. SELF-ACTUALIZATION – This is the highest level. Once your basic needs are supplied, you seek ways to reach your highest potential.

The one that surprises me is that BELONGING is #3… even above Self-Esteem (wow!).  That means that the Group is even more important than the Self. 

• Sociology > Psychology.
• Relational EQ > Internal EQ. 
• Families, and Friends, and Groups, and even Gangs are better than Aloneness.

Let’s all pull together as Americans, shall we?!?

Self-Actualization

I believe I have met people who are truly Self-Actualization, in maslow’s context.  in fact, i believe i am one.

• it’s about being as happy as you can possibly be, given your circumstances.
• it’s about feeling fully expressed and fully present, pretty much all the time.
• it’s about knowing ourselves, accepting ourselves, and enjoying ourselves, to the fullest.
• it’s about finding the positive, in a world of negatives.
• it’s about love, joy, peace, and yippee-doodle-ness.

wanna learn to be Self-Actualized, too?  we can show you.

i love who I am now

i love who I am now (didn’t used to).
    I love who I have become.
    no, I’m not perfect, far from it.
    but even better than perfect, I am Accepting of me.
    If i do good, i praise me.  if i don’t, i reprimand me (but not too harshly).  

We: there’s an adult me
    and a kid me.
    both help each other.
    both support each other.
    … and sometimes, We try to figure out together how to NOT do some things, ever again.
        it’s working so well, it can be down-right peaceful inside, some times.

know what the difference is in NDers vs. non-NDers?
NDers like themselves more.
    NDers accept themselves more, and better, than most.
        NDers know what they’re feeling.
        and whatever the feeling is…
        this too shall pass.

we allow feelings
    we accept feelings
        we express feelings (sometimes just for a sec, but being willing and able to "touch your feelings", they are instantly free to shift and change, and disappear!)

yes, that IS what I am saying…
    allowing feelings, gives us freedom
    touching our feelings, brings us passion and life
    accepting our deepest feelings, is accepting ourselves and our bodies in a most respectful way.

Adversity makes us stronger (if we let it)!!
    go (i cry, scream, shake, feel, quake, ahhh!, scream again, then cry, and release.  poof, i feel 10,000x better.  lighter, more open, brighter.

it seems easier to get into the feeling, when thinking of specific angers and resentments
    but the big negatives can be done en masse, too.
    let go of all anger and resentment.  i cry for all my sadness.  i depress from all my pressures and stressors.  all at once.  bundle ‘em up, let ‘em get big, let ‘em come out, then say bye-bye.

in reality, feeling the big Negatives not only releases them and away they go, it also ENHANCES the positive feelings, often creating a sense of Euphoria, passion, and often, Intense Love!!

To process negative feelings, i try to…
KAERR – pronounced: Care  
    KAERR enough about ourselves and others, to get Results in our lives.

    Know
        find it, ask it, look for it (they’re there!) — >>
    Accept
        allow it, be ok with it, watch it, understand it, empathasize — >>
    Express
        be it, feel it, enjoy it, allow it to become me and me to become it –>>
    Release
        learn from it, listen to it.  heed it’s warnings and messages.  let go of the self-pity, any victim thinking, and all need for drama in my life. — >>
    Results
        create from it, allow it to motivate me to do good things, to help out, to give a damn about ourselves and others.   

—
the big thing that Tony Robbins does is he tells people we have a choice, we can choose how we live… and we can choose GREAT Stuff, happy stuff, powerful stuff.

we ordered his Ultimate Edge mega-tape set last night.
    $14.95 + $14.90 shipping for 30 days.
    if keep it after 30, it’s $99/mo. for 3 months (not likely)
    he’s one of the very best, and I want to see how he does it.

—
Caring about me, and caring about others, to me, is pretty much the same thing.
    I cannot be mean to others without disrespecting myself… I am not willing to do that.
    so i choose to be nice and to give.    it serves me.    it serves others.   perhaps maybe it’s right.

$3.3M Club

I am planning to amass $3.3 Million, and I will not stop until I do.

I believe that will be enough money to handle all my family’s needs now and in the future. 

I will not stop there, but the rest I will give away.

I just officially started a $3.3M Club for all of us who are committed to the same goal.  We will help each other to amass our fortunes, together.  then we will give the rest away, together.

Won’t you join me (no charge, guys are already joining)?

- matt

why do it alone… it’s harder and much less enjoyable that way.

If you had a non-profit, without budgetary limitations, what would you have it do?

we will be applying for a 501c3 within the next month.

help me word it correctly.

help me dream it correctly.

if YOU had a non-profit, without any budgetary limitations, what would you have it do?

I don’t want to focus on just 1 county or city, I want this to be National. All americans are affected, all americans should have the opportunity to learn, and heal, and grow.

EQ can work at work!

"Now in order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed:

1. They must be fit for it.
2. They must not do too much of it.
3. They must have a sense of success in it — not a doubtful sense, such as needs some testimony of others for its confirmation, but a sure sense, or rather knowledge, that so much work has been done well, and fruitfully done, whatever the world may say or think about it."

    – John Ruskin

"We honor life when we work. The type of work is not important: the fact of work is. All work feeds the soul if it is honest and done to the best of our abilities and if it brings joy to others."

    – Matthew Fox

Awareness, however, is NOT the last Key to change !!

Ok, now that we know, we have the responsibility to Do.

those who know, lead those who do not.
those who can, lead.
leaders lead and leaders follow other leaders.

…and we teach each others to be leaders.

that is the point here. 

it’s all about us, and it’s not, at the same time.

we gotta make ourselves happy, period.

and it’s our responsibility, no one elses.

but,

the best way to pull that off is to help our fellow man/American, to be a part of, to be valuable, to matter.

so,

I used to think that the best thing I could do was to get people to team with me, so we can get stuff done.  but that’s not it.  the best thing I can do is to get you to team with EACH OTHER, to make a LOT of stuff happen.  we will build teams.

Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside us will affect us.

- Stephen Covey

we know this, most do not.  please help me spread this good word to the masses.

EQ is the bomb

Emotional intelligence (EQ), can matter as much as IQ in determining a person’s well-being and effectiveness in life.

- Dr. Claude Steiner

"Emotional Literacy; Intelligence with a Heart"
(free online book)

I used to say that EQ > IQ, but now I say:

IQ + EQ = Happiness and Success in Life.

(and it’s not that complicated…)

"With just a little education and practice on how to manage your emotions, you can move into a new experience of life so rewarding that you will be motivated to keep on managing your emotional nature in order to sustain it. The payoff is DELICIOUS in terms of improved quality of life."

- Doc Childre

Anger Management

Managing Anger by Seeing the Unseen Cause
by Mike C. Powers
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Managing_Anger_by_Seeing_the_Unseen_Cause.html

Read this really good article about what’s “beneath” our anger… what drives it… what underlying intentions we may have that can “fuel” our anger.

here’s another on:

Managing Anger by Understanding the Different Ways People Express Anger

http://www.selfmadeeasy.com/managing_anger.cfm

see also:

Anger Management Tips – Learning to Control that Out of Control Emotion; (ebook)
http://www.selfmadeeasy.com/pd_anger_management_tips.cfm

Why bother?

I am writing this because it’s fun for me.
I am writing this because it needs to be said.
  I am writing this because I have a ton of Love inside me, that wants to come out… so it’s spewn everywhere.
   I am writing this because i care.

I am writing this because I don’t think it’s ever been written before, at least not in this way.
    not in a way that is Ultimately Selfish.
      not in my way.

Every human being is intended to have a character of his own; to be what no others are, and to do what no other can do. 

    – William Ellery Channing

I am writing this because I truly believe that a change in EQ is the #1 best thing we can do for ourselves and our world, period.

I’m an EQ junkie, here’s why…

can we change our IQ?
    maybe a touch.

can we change our physical health?
    sometimes.

can we improve our Emotional health and well-being?
    Heck Yeah !!

can we get better Results, and feel more Successful in life?
    Yep, whenever we Decide to.

can we change our Spiritual awakening?
    yes.

Our Emotional and Spiritual Health is 100% IN OUR CONTROL.

and I like feeling in-control.

so that’s where I focus my efforts.

- matt

Giving = Love !!

"It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."

    – Mother Teresa

Yes!  The Giving is really for Us, not as much Them.
    it’s about US enjoying it, letting it fill us up,

to Believe, to Care, to open up, to connect.

Giving = Love !!

and Love feels GOOD !!

we give because we love.
we love because we give.
we live, and love, and give, because that is who we are.

Using Anger Wisely

i can let some anger in, as long as I manage it.
    I have to ensure that it doesn’t control my life, and it doesn’t get to take over my life.   but there does need to be a sense of it.  the knowledge and acceptance of it.
    and the ability to focus it.

the roaring ain’t the problem.  it’s the intention behind the roaring that matters most.  do we Roar to overpower and control others and demand that things go our way, or do we use it instead to POWER ourselves and get our own arses in gear?

big dif.      similar costume.

—

I actually think it’d be best if I let myself feel anger More Often, not less.
    most people are trying to lessen theirs, but not me.

I know the Power and the Awesomeness of using my Anger in wise, focused, passionate ways, that work for me, and everyone in my life… or most everyone.

no matter what we do, some will not be Ok with us.  judgments are cheap and easy to come by.  that’s ok.  it’s even ok if they express their not-ok-ness to us, if done in a respectful and honest manner. 

we need to learn to protect ourselves, emotionally.  That does NOT mean that we go around Afraid, and in fear of getting Hurt, or abandoned, or mis-understood.  It means that we have the Ability to control what hurts us.  we are not victims.

    It is Our Job to Teach Others how to be with us!

true mastery of emotional intelligence is about knowing that others often don’t know, and can therefore lose their grip on themselves, their behavrious and their Mouth, sometimes. 

how do WE deal with Cluelessness?

—

Challenge:

it’s easy to judge and disconnect from those we don’t agree with…
    wanna try something new?  try NOT disconnecting, NO MATTER what.  try making the Connection the point and the goal of the whole relationship.  try not to disconnect, ever, and if you do, re-connect again, quickly and completely.  the connection is called intimacy.

that’s a key…  friendship is about connection.  Family is about connection.  Lovers are about connection.
    Pets are about connection.  Kids are about connection.   Community is about connection.  America is about connection.

perhaps we would be wise to explore this area further, don’t-cha-think?

so, please share with me some of the ways that you have found to stay connected, or to re-connect, with the people you love.

—

on a side note, one of the Coolest things that I have learned in my never-ending quest for EQ, is that simply having the CHOICE to connect, or not, has been so totally FREEing for me, personally.

with my abandonment issues, I believed that I "had" to connect, with everyone, everytime, which is a) impossible, b) incredibly tiring to try to achieve, and c) most painful failing that many times!  so I found that if, instead, I CHOOSE NOT to connect with someone, at any given time, to disconnect with the other people when I believe they are acting badly and/or not feeling safe to me.

I can have boundaries, and I can choose to NOT open my heart to some, while at the same time being Wonderfully and Gloriously OPEN to others !!  ((and feel totally clean and honest doing it))

ha.

most very cool.

US -– us, Us, US, USA !!

us – closer to an “I”, but with an us-attitude.   It’s about knowing ourselves, understanding our strengths and weaknesses, being clear on how and where we fit into the world, and how we can, and do, affect others. 

Keywords:  Consciously Competent.  Awake and Aware.  Personally Responsible.  eyes-wide-open.  Team-player.  good guy.  dude.

 Us – 2 or more of us, gathered in His name, living our lives together, on purpose.  Knowing we can choose to connect when we want to open our heart, when it’s safe, and wise, but also knowing we can take control of our hearts and our minds when it’s not.

Keywords:  leader, strong, powerful, brave, wise, loving, couple, intimate, relationship, family, friend.

US – This is about US, committed to working together to build a better world.  This is the public works program that pay our people to make our world a better place.  teachers, tutors, coaches, VAs, entertainers, musicians, builders, writers, creators.

Keywords:  role model, mentor, champion, celebrity, hero.

USA – This is the most amazing, powerful, affluent, advanced, proudest civilization on earth.  Americans.  The Winning Team.

Keywords:  american, yankee, cowboy, gringo, World Leader !!

Know what I want?

Do you know what I want? 

I want you to listen to me.

I want you to follow my lead.

I want you to buy into the concept enough to promote it to others.

OUR Feelings ARE THE KEY to intelligent, aware, and moderated behaviours.

Those of us who know, become responsible for the rest.

some things aren’t fair, but That-Is-How-It-Is.

I want us to join forces together, to help spread the word.  The word of Love, and care, and concern for others. 

I want US to actively educate others.

The more Emotionally Intelligent people are, the more likely they are to be trustworthy, kind, and safe.

Aware people make better decisions.

- add your name if you agree with this wisdom -

with my love,
- matt

it doesn’t take many “resources” to educate others… mostly just our Time, enthusiasm, and some grasp of the subject.  There are so many simple, inexpensive and incredibly powerful ways to interact with others nowadays, it’s only our creativity and our self-limiting beliefs that keep us small.

us

We Continuously Learn, Learn, Learn!

We are constantly in, what we call, “Learning Mode”, where we are open to new ideas, concepts and experiences.

“Education is our passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today."

    – Malcolm X

“Our progress as a nation can be no swifter than our progress in education."

    – John F. Kennedy

“One can succeed at almost anything for which he has enthusiasm."

    – Charles Schwab

“Genius without education is like silver left in the mine."

- Benjamin Franklin

Emotional Intelligence for all!

I just learned that over 80% of all prisoners in CA were once foster kids.  80%, damn !!
… and I believe that some 50-70% of all crimes could be considered to be Emotion-based (drugs, violence, theft, etc.).

Let’s:
    Educate prisoners
    Educate foster kids
    Educate parents and single moms
    Educate couples – straight and gay
    Educate youth
    Educate the elderly

make them aware, show them that there is another way to live.
    a better way.  a way that works AND feels good, at the same time.  And all it takes it to learn more about Emotional Intelligence!

Let’s let ‘em know that they have more Choices, emotionally, than they ever dreamed possible.

Let’s give ‘em the GOOD NEWS that they can choose how to be, how to feel, how to live their lives!

Love with your whole heart!

It’s better to love and feel ALL the emotions rather than not love for fear of the loss.

- NS

You can’t really feel the highs, if you can’t or won’t feel the lows.
You’re living only half an existence.

        – Cheryl Montgomery-Nolan

Fall seven times; stand up eight.

- unknown