For kids, teens and adults — in schools, homes and at work — EQ can save our world!

Good news! We went to see “Kung Fu Panda 2″ at the matinee yesterday and it was FULL of positive EQ messages! Giving, honor, loving, finding “Inner Peace”, working thru childhood belief systems, confidence, teamwork, etc., etc. I love it when EQ goes Mainstream, and our kids get GOOD examples/lessons, for a change!

There’s a Sense of Urgency missing from our message!
The basis for the problems in our society today is that:

We as a People are Emotionally Clueless!

We talk about Feelings ’cause it makes us Feel better, but people are DYING, quite literally and figuratively, because they don’t know what we know…

• EVERY Suicide is Emotion-based. — EVERY SINGLE ONE!
  
• Most Crimes are Emotion-based.

In fact,

• All Sex is emotion-based.
• ALL Rapes are emotion-based.
• ALL Murders are emotion-based.
• All Molest is emotion-based.
• All Alcoholism is emotion-based.
• All Drug addiction is emotion-based.
• All Divorces are.
• All Abuses are.
• All Violence.

The problems in these areas show our lack of emotional knowledge and training… and that’s a sad and dangerous thing.  No generation until now has understood that EVERY BEHAVIOUR we do, is based on our feelings and emotions… every one… so if we want to have Any control of ourselves and our lives, we’d better know and understand how Feelings work, and how we MOTIVATE ourselves to do what we do, based on our feelings.

Please learn more, and please spread the word of the importance of EQ.   IQ + EQ = Survival!

- Matt

Have you ever found yourself “trapped” in a job or school situation where the work really wasn’t that hard, but after two hours at work or school, you felt as if you had put in ten. By the end of the day, it seemed that it was all you could do to make it home, and then all you wanted to do was watch TV or sleep?

Have you ever been in a relationship or a home situation where you felt “trapped” with no acceptable alternatives but to remain? And suddenly you realized that you were spending a lot of time sleeping, eating or reading and you found it was very hard to get through the simplest daily chores?

Have you ever found yourself having trouble coping with life and saying, “I should…” or, “I shouldn’t have…?” Do you find you are sad and blue most of the time and walking around like a zombie, seldom very happy, seldom very angry?

Have you ever felt like just giving up; like crawling into a corner and pulling a blanket over your head; that life was just too much effort and little or no joys, rewards, or purpose? Did you find yourself asking why am I alive? Is there any reason to keep living?

If any of this sounds familiar, then you are part of the millions of people who experience America’s number two complaint: Depression. Depression ranks second only to headaches as our most common health complaint.

Have you ever been told that “Depression is a chemical imbalance”? That is true, but then, so is happiness. The chemicals are serotonin and some dopamine. If you become depleted in these chemicals, then you feel depressed; if you have an abundance of them, then you feel happy. The question that never seems to get answered is, how do you deplete these chemicals?

In the Medscape email Newsletter to physicians there was an article Addressing Both the Emotional and Physical symptoms in Depression in which the following quote occurs:

“In a study of patients in a nonpsychiatric practice who presented with a wide range of somatic symptoms, researchers were only able to find an actual cause for the symptoms 16% of the time. No organic cause was identified for the other 84%.” Kroenke Mangelsdorff, Common Symptoms in Ambulatory Care, (Am J. Med. 1989)

Depression is not a physical disorder in the majority of the cases, it is a symptom! Antidepressant medications act in much the same way that an aspirin acts on a headache. There is nothing wrong with using a band aid with the hope that some how, some where down the road, the root cause will heal itself. And, sometimes it does. But, is it not important to consider what is the root cause of depression in 84% of people, and how to treat the root cause?

One of the major reasons for our failure in dealing effectively with depression is because we often treat depression as an illness instead of as a symptom. In fact, recently drug companies have started advertising their anti-depressants as, “for the relief of the symptoms of depression.” To treat depression as an illness is like treating the pain of a broken leg with the use of painkillers; when the drugs wear off, the pain returns. But isn’t depression a chemical imbalance? Yes it is. So is happiness, joy and excitement. The issue is, what causes the imbalance?

David Burns, M.D., in his book, FEELING GOOD, talks about depression as a symptom of the way we think, “You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment.” Depression is a symptom of the way you think.

It is not just any kind of thinking. It is thinking that creates your anger and your thoughts or beliefs about anger keep you from expressing your anger. Most depression is unexpressed anger! Over a hundred years ago Freud said, “Depression is anger turned inward.”

Most of the anger that turns into depression is generated from one of three types of situations. The first type is anger at yourself. The “shoulds” and the “shouldn’ts” you hold for yourself:

I should be more loving;

I should spend more time with my children;

I shouldn’t get angry;

I should lose weight;

I shouldn’t say dumb things, etc.

Shoulds are the expectations that you have been taught and now feel you should live up to but don’t. Each time you fail, you experience some degree of anger at yourself, “but how can I be angry at myself?” So, you get depressed.

The second type of situation that produces depression (anger) is where you feel powerless, trapped by a situation or circumstance in which you feel that there is no acceptable alternative but to remain. A job you can’t stand, but have to remain in because you need the money; a marriage where you feel unloved, but you believe and think that you are too old or have too many children to look for someone new. And, you believe that you can’t survive by yourself. “Where would I go? Who would support me? What would others think of me?”

You are afraid: “If I get angry, I’ll lose my job for sure.” “If I tell my mate how angry I feel, he may leave me or the situation will just become worse.” You believe you can’t be angry, so you become depressed.

The third type of anger is where there is a major loss, such as the loss you experience when a loved one dies before their time. You will feel angry at being “deserted,” left alone, but how can you be angry with someone who has died? “I loved them very much and didn’t want them to die! I’m not supposed to feel angry. I should feel grief, caring (and you do), but not anger” – You “can’t” be angry, so you become depressed.

Loss can come in many forms. A person who loses a part of his/her body, either through an accident or operation, will often suffer from depression. “I am only part of a man since I lost my leg.” “I am not a complete woman since the operation,” etc. Here, the idea or expectation is, “I should be whole.” The belief is, people who are not “whole” are incomplete and they will be rejected and abandoned.

You are angry at the loss, but the message you are given is that you have to adjust to the loss. “It is not the end of the world, you shouldn’t feel that way!” How can you be angry at what is, at what had to be? So, you turn the anger inward and become depressed.

If depression is to be dealt with effectively, then you must deal with the source of depression: the anger. There are two basic ways in which this can be done. First, your expectations and concepts need to be checked against reality or what is reasonable. Most depressed people hold irrational beliefs that make it hard not to be depressed.

Am I the sum total of my body? Does a loss of a part of my body mean that I am less than me? Am I really rejected by those who are significant to me because I am less than “whole”?

To rid yourself of depression, it will be important to take an inventory of your irrational beliefs about anger:

What do I believe about anger?

Is it O.K. (acceptable) for me to be angry?

What do I believe about emotional pain? Is it terminal?

If I get angry, will I really hurt others and/or myself?

Will I be unlovable if I get angry?

What do I believe about the opposite of love? (It is not anger or hate, it is indifference.)

Do I lie about being angry by saying, “I’m not angry, I’m just upset?”

Do I feel guilty when I get angry and end up punishing myself (often by becoming depressed)?

Here are some other questions that are important to consider if you are to get to the place where being angry is a positive alternative to being depressed.

Do I have a switch to turn off the feelings I do not like?

Since I can’t choose my feelings, what do I do with my angry feelings when I feel them?

Am I willing to express my feelings as strongly as I feel them?

Do I know acceptable ways of expressing my anger that does not threaten or push people away from me?

(If you are having trouble answering any of the above questions, I suggest you read my book, TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.)

Now, try this next exercise. Make a list of your expectations (shoulds) for yourself in your:

1. job situation,
2. relationship with your mate,
3. relationship with your children.

“What should I do as a good husband or wife?” “What should I do as a friend or companion?” Make a list as long as possible.

Note that each time you fail to live up to your expectations (the “I shoulds”), you have a source of anger and possible depression. Each time someone else fails to live up to your expectations (the “You shoulds”), you have still another source of anger. Now, on each item, ask yourself, “Is this an expectation I can reach? What expectations do you want to change for yourself, for others? What expectations do you wish to keep? What relationships or situations do you have in which you feel trapped or powerless? What are the shoulds you hold for others?”

“She should take better care of the house.”

“He should spend more of his time with the family.”

“If he really loved me, he would know what I wanted.”

“People should drive the way I think they should drive.”

“He should mow the lawn and fix the things around the house.”

“The whole family should be together for Christmas.”

What ways can you change these situations? Which of your expectations are realistic? Which do you want to keep? Who can you go to that can help you to change your situation?

Often, the relationship or situation is not as hopeless as it may seem and an outside person may be helpful in giving you a more realistic view of what can and needs to be done.

The second thing that needs to be done in order to deal with depression (anger), is to find acceptable ways of expressing the anger that you feel at yourself. You need to give yourself the permission to be angry, even though you may feel foolish and it does not make sense. You need to learn more acceptable ways of expressing your anger to others, without putting them down or making the situation worse. “I AM…messages instead of YOU ARE… messages. I AM messages are internal reports, they talk about feelings instead of behaviors: “I am not feeling loved or cared about; maybe you love me, but I don’t feel loved,” instead of behaviors and judgments, “You don’t love me, I am going to leave if you don’t change.”

Anger need not nor can always be expressed to the person at whom you are angry, but it does need to be expressed. “I cannot stand the boss/job.” That needs to be said, but not necessarily to the boss! “The judge is a rotten bastard,” is best saved and expressed to your attorney when you are away from court. Babies and very old people do not need to hear your anger. They cannot understand it, and it only scares and confuses them. For instance, if you are not getting enough sleep, it is better to express your frustration/anger to a friend or to your understanding mate than to the baby who would just become frightened.

A third thing that is helpful at getting rid of depression is to keep busy doing things that you enjoy and feel good at. Depression usually gets worse because the more you feel depressed, the less you want to do. The less you want to talk about and express your feelings, the more you start to withdraw. And the more you withdraw, the more depressed you will become. A word of warning, do not use activity as a way of avoiding your depression because it will continue to build if not expressed verbally. In William Blake’s poem A POISON TREE he states it this way:

I was angry with my friend;

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I was angry at my foe;

I told him not, my wrath did grow.

The feelings that you are expressing are very important in helping you deal with your depression. It is your feelings of anger, powerlessness, confusion, guilt and sadness that need to be recognized and expressed. That is, start talking about anger instead of your depression. Then, start expressing your anger as intensely as you feel it. The key word here is express. If you are expressing your anger to the degree that you feel it, then the Fifteen Minute Rule comes into play: You can not be angry for more than fifteen minutes. If you don’t believe me, go into your bedroom (when no one is around) and get yelling, screaming angry and see if you can keep it going for more than fifteen minutes.

“I am angry at Mother because I miss her so very much.”

“Since I retired, I feel angry because I feel so useless and unimportant.”

“I feel so angry because I am powerless to make her love me.”

“I am really angry at myself for what I said and the way I acted.”

If depression can be identified and recognized as anger, then it can be dealt with in constructive ways. If it is left as depression, then you are its helpless victim.

M. K. Doc Downing Ph.D., LMFT

Doc@2GetHelp.com

http://www.DocDowning.info

Copyrighted 1976, revised 2008, M.K. Downing

There has been much debate, over the years, about whether anger is good or bad. All sorts of remedies have been offered by those who see anger as destructive.

• Try counting to ten.
• Think before you speak.
• Nice girls don’t get angry; pretty is as pretty does.
• Stay away from people who make you mad.
• You don’t hate your sister; you love your sister.
• You’re not angry; you’re just upset (because anger is a sin).

The problem in employing these “solutions” is that you, more often than not, end up repressing/stuffing your anger. Anger is not a problem. No one has ever gone to jail for being angry. No one has been hurt physically because of anger. No family has ever gotten a divorce because of anger. It is what you do with your anger that gets you into trouble. Feelings are not good or bad, they just are.

Freud was the first therapist to observe that: “Depression is anger turned inward.” He championed the concept of venting, expressing feelings as strongly as they are felt.

Before him, others have observed how dangerous the repression of feelings can be. Confucius, 551-479 B.C., is reported to have said, “To repress a feeling is to give it unlimited power.” The result of the repression of feelings can lead to the build up—blow up syndrome where you can kill someone, or to depression, where you can kill yourself.

The Apostle Paul, 2000 years ago, when writing to the church at Ephesus, tells them to quit lying (about being angry) and be angry. [The biggest lie I often hear in church is, “I’M NOT ANGRY; I JUST UPSET.”] Then Paul goes on to say, Do not keep your anger inside (repress it) and let the sun set on your anger because you will give the devil an opportunity to work in your life. Ephesians 4:25-27

Another person to observe the danger of the repression of anger was the poet William Blake, in the 1700’s, he wrote,

A POISON TREE

I was angry with my friend:

I told my wrath, my wrath did end.

I was angry with my foe:

I told it not, my wrath did grow.

As the poem goes on, he watered his anger in fears and tears and grew it both day and night. He then sets a trap and kills the guy!

Going back to Freud’s observation, “Depression is anger turned inward.” This concept comes straight out of Freud’s paper, “Mourning and Melancholia.” To this day, no one has been able to successfully refute that the majority of depression (84%) is anger turned inward and many have tried (16% of depression can be attributed to organic causes).

Depression has been characterized by many in the medical field as “a chemical imbalance,” and it is. But then so is happiness. The chemical is Serotonin. Too little and you will feel depressed; if you have “too much,” you will feel very happy. Saying that depression is a chemical imbalance says nothing. The question is, how do you create the chemical imbalance?

In Meier and Minirth books, Happiness is a Choice and Introduction to Psychology and Counseling, they say, “When a person holds in her rage, the brain’s supply of two key chemicals—serotonin and norepinephrine—is depleted, and symptoms of depression result.”

During the 18^th and 19^th centuries, sex was the most repressed feeling in the English speaking world. In the 20^th and 21^st centuries, anger became the most repressed feeling because it became associated with verbal and physical violence such as in the Wild West and in Eastern Gangs.

However, bad things can happen when feelings are repressed. Repressed feelings do not go up in the air and just disappear. Feelings that are repressed will come out in one of four ways.

1. Physical or Conversion symptoms such as headaches, neck aches, stomach problems, high blood pressure, etc.
2. Emotional symptoms such as nightmares, night sweats, paranoia, anxiety, etc.
3. Acting Out such as punching holes in the wall, throwing dishes, domestic abuse, child and elder abuse, getting pregnant, chopping wood, slamming the door, etc. In fact, I once had a client tell me that she had gotten so angry that she cleaned the whole house!
4. Verbal expression of feelings can be done in two ways, Indirectly and Directly. Indirect expression usually creates more problems. The indirect expression of anger works like putting out fire with gasoline! It is what most people think about when they think about anger. On the other hand, the direct expression of anger is much easier to listen to and tends to bring people together.

The indirect expression of anger is done with putdowns, name calling, threats, sarcasm, guilt trips, demanding and controlling statements. It is filled with messages of how the other person is and what they feel, “You are stupid, lazy and irresponsible. You don’t love me. You don’t care about me or the children or you would have. . ……”

The direct expression of anger is an internal report of what you are experiencing inside. “I am angry because I love you and care about you. And, I got so scared because I didn’t know where you were and I was afraid that you might have been hurt.” Or even stronger feelings can be expressed without being threatening. “I am so angry and confused that I could spit nails. This is the fifth time you have told me to do something and when I am half way through, you change your mind. How do you want me to respond when I get so confused?”

Note, in this scenario there is no name calling, threats, demanding or controlling elements in the direct expression of feelings. Most of the indirect expression of anger is for the purpose of manipulation. This is an important distinction to make. Being angry has never resulted in anyone going to jail; it is what you do with your anger that gets you into trouble. People who believe that anger is bad do not understand the difference between the direct and indirect expression of feelings.

In Psychology Today, an article by Nando Pelusi, Anger, Pain and Depression (November 2003) explores the connection between anger and depression. He suggests ways of keeping your anger from turning into depression. I would like to expand on his suggestions:

· Identify anger and acknowledge it. Anger is one of those emotions whose expression is sometimes subject to taboos so that people can grow up unable to recognize it; they feel its physical discomfort but can’t label it, “I’m not angry I’m just upset!”

· Build a lexicon for your internal states. Anger comes in degrees from little amounts of anger that tend to build such as: annoyed, upset, irritated, frustrated, disgusted, and mad. As the little angers continue to build, you reach the much stronger ones such as: hurt, hostile, livid, fury, hate and rage. No one starts with hate or rage. A label improves your ability to understand your feelings and express them.

· Your anger is a signal. It is not something to be escaped from or repressed. It is something to be accepted as a sign that you need to either change your expectations or to express your anger.

· Make yourself aware of the three purposes of your anger: 1) To keep someone out of your life, 2) To manipulate and 3) To feel better, venting. Be sure to distinguish purpose from passion. Things that have a positive purpose seek betterment, growth, love, enhancement, and fulfillment. Things that have a negative purpose are motivated by a sense of powerlessness. Are you enraged about an inequity or unfairness?

· Give up your obsession about being right. Instead, the question you should be asking yourself is this, “Is what I’m doing going to get me what I want in the long run?”

· See that the opposite of love is not hate or even anger, it is not caring. You get angriest most at the people you love the most.

· Uproot mistaken beliefs that underlie your responses. Very often, anger is the result of beliefs that lead you to place unreasonable expectations, such as, people should drive like I think they should drive, not as they drive, or that life must be fair. Unfairness exists. The belief that you are entitled to fairness results from the mistaken idea that other people should love you like your mother did. If you believe all people should treat you like your mother, you will certainly find lots to be angry about. Insisting that life must be fair is not only irrational; it will cause you to collect “evidence” of injustices done to you. Even if you are experiencing nothing more than your fair share of unfairness, such a belief can create the illusion of powerlessness and anger which can lead to depression.

· Notice your own complaints about how people/the world is not living up to your expectations. These are the you shoulds you have for others. With you shoulds, you will hassle others. It’s really a manipulative strategy. With I shoulds, not living up to your expectations for yourself, you hassle you. It drags you down into feelings of powerlessness, passivity and inertia. Every time you have an “I should” for yourself that you do not do, there is a little anger at yourself, which results in guilt. When you feel guilty you will set yourself up to be punished. What better way can you punish yourself other than be depressed (I don’t deserve to be happy). A rule of thumb is that the more “I shoulds” you have, the more depressed you will be.

There are three uses or purposes of anger. First, and what is most often thought about when someone is angry at you, is that “they want to get rid of me; they don’t love/like me.” This is based on the fallacy that the opposite of love is anger and/or hate. In fact you get angry most at the people you love the most. If you cannot get angry at someone, you don’t love them. The opposite of love is indifference, not caring.

Of all the times you have been angry at someone, how many of those times was it to get rid of that person forever? For most people, it is zero to once or twice in their whole life. Not much, when you compare it to the total of time you have been angry.

The second use of anger is to manipulate. Have you ever used your anger to manipulate someone? “Don’t ride you tricycle in the street!” Are you trying to get rid of your child or are you trying to manipulate him to keep him safe? Another example of manipulation, “I’m really angry at you. You said that we would have time together this weekend, just the two of us. We never spend time together.” Is this person trying to get rid of their partner or trying to manipulate them into spending time together in order to build a closer relationship? The majority of the anger that you see is used to manipulate people for better or for worse.

The third way you can use anger is to feel good. Women tend to use this more often than men. Men could learn a thing or two from women in this area. Women who have had a bad day will often call up their girlfriend and will really let go, “Suzie, let me tell you what happened today; it was terrible. It started this morning with. . ..” Now, when she calls up her friend is she trying to get rid of her? Is she trying to manipulate Suzie? What is she trying to do? Feel better. “Suzie you are such a good friend, thanks for listening to me.”

Freud would have probably called what was done with Suzie, venting. Today we call it the Verbal Rule: Feelings expressed verbally, take place, reduce in intensity, and are free to change. This rule is like the law of gravity. However, if you tie a helium balloon to your ink pen and floats away, does that mean the law of gravity has stopped working? In the same way, there are ways of preventing the verbal rule from working. If you connect your anger to changing someone’s behavior, then you will stay angry until they change their behavior or until you change your expectation for them (second use of anger).

The verbal rule is sometimes called the Fifteen Minute Rule. This goes with the concept that feelings need to be expressed as intently as they are felt without the putdowns, sarcasm, threats, etc. Once this is done, you cannot be yelling angry for more than 15 minutes unless someone is there putting you down. “What’s the matter, are you having a little hissy fit?” Try you own experiment. The next time you are very angry, clear everybody out of the house, go into your bedroom and check the time. Then yell, scream, beat on the pillow and see if you can keep it going for more than 15 minutes. If you are still angry, check to see if you are connecting your anger to someone else’s behavior.

There are other ways you can block the Verbal Rule from working. If you believe that anger is bad or sinful and you express your feelings, even if you express them directly, you will probably feel guilty, shut down (stuff your feelings) and end up being even more angry, especially at yourself.

A story that ran on NPR illustrates this concept, The Woman Who Throws Plates For A Living. Here is the transcript of the NPR broadcast.

The story of Sarah Lavely’s business began shortly after her husband of 12 years left her cold, alone in a house in New Hampshire. After her husband’s departure, Lavely took up an unusual hobby. Every morning, she would go out her front door and smash his belongings in her long, asphalt driveway.

"It was fabulous," says Lavely. "I was picking stuff up and holding it up over my head and smashing it straight down on my driveway … really good."

Lavely enjoyed the cathartic anger, though some psychologists are now saying that this isn’t the most effective approach.

Lavely decided to move back to California and stay temporarily with her mother. But a couple of days after the move, she woke up one morning yearning again for destruction. Realizing she no longer had a forum for her impulses, she had a Field of Dreams moment: She decided that she would build a small store — a refuge for frustrated people old and young who wanted an outlet for their aggression. Today, about 200 customers a week carry their anger to Sarah’s Smash Shack in downtown San Diego. For around $25 a head, Lavely provides dishware, protective gear and the felt-tipped pens that people use to write on the plates they then violently fling at the walls.

Her website is: http://www.yelp.com/biz/sarahs-smash-shack-san-diego

After all the things we know about anger, and with thousands of years of experience and observation, there are still some “researchers” who believe that “Anger is the father of murder.”

Psychology professor Jeffrey Lohr of the University of Arkansas says that decades of research on cathartic anger — the theory that actively expressing your anger can reduce or relieve the feeling — has produced a clear conclusion. "Punching pillows and breaking dishes doesn’t reduce subsequent anger expression." In fact, he says. "The research shows clearly the opposite is true: The more you get angry, the angrier you get.”

Professor Lohr is absolutely right when anger is expressed indirectly with putdowns, threats, sarcasm, etc. or when it is used to try to manipulate someone. This expression of anger will often lead to frustration and more anger. It is important tell the difference between feelings and judgments. Judgments are debatable, feelings are not. Judgments are external, feelings are an internal report. Since no one knows what you feel other than you, when you talk about what you feel you will never lose another argument. “I feel that you don’t love me,” is a judgment camouflaged as a feeling and it is debatable. “I don’t feel loved; you may love me or I may not be letting your love in, but I don’t feel loved.” When feelings are expressed, they are not debatable.

Experience has shown that expressing anger in direct ways for the purpose of feeling better, does NOT lead to an increase in anger.

For over twenty years, I have been working with anger in my Saturday Huge Group Therapy. In the group, I use a Posey (support) belt and a pillow with a combination of cognitive therapy and Psychodrama. The Group helps people who have experienced trauma in their lives, such as molest, war, abuse (both physical and emotional), rape, divorce, war and loss to release their anger and fear. They then can build confidence and regain a sense of being a powerful person.

When anger is expressed using the guide lines given above, the expression of anger, as strongly as it is felt, has never resulted in the creation of more anger.

Over the years, I have worked with thousands of people’s anger and have seen remarkable change in their lives from expressing their anger and replacing the feeling of powerless with feelings of personal power.

If you would like to know more about anger and how to express it in constructive ways, you can read about it in my book, TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.

M. K. Doc Downing Ph.D., LMFT

Doc@2GetHelp.com

http://www.DocDowning.info

• Who or what are you Angry at?
• Who or what Hurt you the most?
• Who or what are you most Afraid of?
• What is keeping you from Releasing the pain?

• Do your emotions work for you, or against you?
• Do you find yourself Repeating unhealthy behaviours, and don’t know why, or how to stop them?
• Are issues from the past ruining your present day life?
• Does your life feel out of control?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you could use more Emotional Intelligence (EQ) training.  You probably have plenty of Mental Intelligence (IQ) training… but what about the OTHER HALF of your life?!?

Learn, grow, feel, connect, smile!

- Matt

Shutting down feelings leads to boredom, irritability, grumpiness and depression.  Allowing ourselves to feel leads to passion, excitement, fun and love.

Let’s open our hearts to Feel, and Live!

“Anyone who is bored with life has probably forgotten his or her dreams.“

- David Schwartz

Sometimes our light goes out but is blown again into flame by an encounter with another human being.  Each of us owes the deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this inner light. 

- Albert Schweitzer

We can find role models anywhere –- friends, family, famous people, infamous people, movies, stories, our imagination – literally, ANY where!

So, who are YOUR role models?
In what way do they exemplify your ideas?

In schools, they teach us the 3 R’s: Reading, wRiting and aRithmetic.
But that’s only teach HALF of what we need!

Our feelings, heart and soul (EQ) is at least as important as our brains, knowledge and logic (IQ). 

Everything we do, and everything we are, is based on our Feelings and Emotions.  We can’t NOT deal with ourselves.  We are here, and WE ARE GOING TO FEEL… like it or not.

Our feelings are totally natural, god-given, body-driven factors that we DO have to deal with.

But, Emotions have a bad rap, too.  If we don’t know ourselves, and how we work inside, our feelings can seem like out-of-control beasts, to be avoided at all costs.  But,

• What if we could Harness our Anger, and direct it where it needs to go, and away from those who don’t deserve it?
• What if we could Embrace our Fear, and learn from it, get the message our body is trying to tell us, and then make bold, courageous, strong decisions whether to fight thru the fear, or turn tail and run?
• What if we could even use our Depression, not as a horrible dark abyss, but as a Tool to rest, to let down, to not-give-a-damn for awhile, while our body can relax and rejuvenate?

Feelings and Emotions are a Good thing, not a Bad thing.
In fact, they are one of THE most important things!

Understanding and Dealing with our Feelings and Emotions is the key to Happiness, and Success in Life!

Let’s Be Smart with our Heart, and use our IQ to enhance our EQ.

Wanna laugh more?
Wanna love more?
Wanna feel lighter and more free?
Wanna feel in control of yourself and your life?

IQ + EQ = LOL !!

Wanna learn more?

• get Doc’s book in our store
• subscribe to free email series (EQ lessons & awesome Quotes)
• consider coming to one of our amazing EQ weekends
  (ND – Fresno, California / MBB – Wanganui, New Zealand)
• leave a comment (below)
• or contact me just to say “Hey!” and/or “I agree”.