Hi Matt,
I’m doing great, actually.
The first few days after the program I was a little shaky. I was sad because the safety and security of the workshop was over. But within a few days I began reading Doc’s book and reinforcing the new skills I have learned. I’m working on my anger journal right now. It is amazing to me how many times a day I get angry and in the past I have turned it inward and gotten sad or hurt instead of angry.
I’m also working on feeling the feeling and not letting it be right or wrong. I got angry last night after about 7 hours of living in sadness and punishing myself with food. I broke down and started crying and realized how mad I actually was. After I got angry I felt better. I woke up today still irritated with the situation and have been ruminating over it all day. And I finally got down to the heart of the matter, that I wasn’t angry at the current situation, I was angry at what the situation represents for me historically. So while I thought I was mad at my boyfriend, I’m really mad at my dad. So I’m planning on going home tonight and getting angry at him for a while.
The anger part is still new for me, it being ok, actually saying “I’m angry” out loud, but I’ve kept it in so long that it’s time to get rid of it.
I am so thankful for New Directions and how it has made it ok for me to feel again. I don’t think my boyfriend realizes yet how thankful he will be someday for ND too.
I finally realized the difference between being an emotional person and being a feeling person.
Thanks for all that you did to make it safe for me to be real.
How are things going for you? Well I hope.
Blessings,
Kim
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