• Who or what are you Angry at?
• Who or what Hurt you the most?
• Who or what are you most Afraid of?
• What is keeping you from Releasing the pain?

• Do your emotions work for you, or against you?
• Do you find yourself Repeating unhealthy behaviours, and don’t know why, or how to stop them?
• Are issues from the past ruining your present day life?
• Does your life feel out of control?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you could use more Emotional Intelligence (EQ) training.  You probably have plenty of Mental Intelligence (IQ) training… but what about the OTHER HALF of your life?!?

Learn, grow, feel, connect, smile!

- Matt

since I took my keyboard apart the other day and cleaned it, the . key hasn’t been working properly and this has been interesting for me
to get it to work, I have to SLAM the . KEY harder….. whap, whap, whap.
it builds tension.
irritation.
tick (doesn’t work) so Wham. (that works, but it’s irritating and requires more energy and constant problems).

pushes me to do an undercurrent of anger
if I remember, however, and think of it Before I hit the . key, I hit it harder.
in fact, I’m finding that I hit the keys harder in general
and my keyboard likes that.

and maybe it’s what I need.

like a push to build some Attitude, and that Edge I need to be BIG.
that is what I want.
no fooling about it.
I want to talk to a LOT of people.
I am NOT Ok with talking to a few people.
I have a message that will not be denied.

I will not give up.

I am not developing it to fill a Demand.
The Need exists, they just don’t Know that it Exists.

I can’t find a Hive.
Help me find a Hive.

I will NOT be an Ambulance chaser.
oh, I think that’s really holding me back.

I don’t want the sick and mentally ill.
I want to work with people who are hurtin’, but functional.
I want to talk to the walking wounded.
I want people who have jobs, but they’re hurtin’.
and they know it.
and they want to Reach out.

there’s a whole Reaching out thing.

they don’t know:
a. who to reach out to
b. how to reach out (except for maybe therapy and medication)
c. That Reaching out is even an option.
d. in some cases, even that the concept of Reaching out even exists

it’s not that the Demand for the solution isn’t there,
they don’t know that there’s a Solution to what’s bothering them.
some know that something’s bothering them, but they are clueless that there even IS a solution

they are not Looking for help with their problem
because they don’t know that Help Exists.
  and some don’t even know the Problem exists.

many don’t know that they are angry or hurt, or that they could choose to Not feel angry or hurt.

many are shut down and depressed.
but they don’t Feel shut down, because they don’t Feel… period.
they often find that they were shut down AFTER they experience what’s it’s like to NOT be shut down for a moment.

• I believe that people have NO IDEA how much cooler and more Amazing their lives could be if they had their Feelings Toolbox ALIVE and WELL!!
• I believe that people DON’T WANT TO ADMIT TO THEMSELVES that they are as unhappy as they are.
• I believe that people have no idea how VERY ANGRY they Really are.
• some people know they’re angry.  but they don’t know that there’s Relief available.

they don’t know that TAKING CONTROL of their Feelings really IS the key to Happiness.

Happiness IS a Feeling.

How could you feel Happy if you don’t Feel?!?

Feelings are the key.
Feelings are the Joy.
Feelings are LIFE!

You can’t cut off one feeling at a time. They ALL Go.
it’s a package deal.
you cannot feel your Joy and your Love and your TOTAL ALIVENESS if you are not willing (or know how) to feel your Anger and your Sadness and your Fear.

of course Fear is scary.
by definition. the answer is in the question.
there are plenty of things that WE ARE ALL AFRAID of, not having enough, not being enough, people leaving us, being alone, being attacked, ourselves.

no wait. We DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID of ourselves.
we can LEARN ABOUT ourselves.
and Enjoy ourselves.
and our Fears.
and our Angers.
and our Sadness
and our Guilt.

of course you’re Afraid of your Anger. we all are.
Society doesn’t know how to handle good clean Anger, so they squash it.
and our parents taught us over and over that Anger is NOT OK, in any form.

THAT’s the Difference between ND folks and non-ND folks.
We ENJOY and ENCOURAGE our feelings, they Avoid them like the plague!

THAT’s the difference.

Having our Feelings be Ok works in so many ways…
we not only don’t avoid our feelings, that’s about ALL WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT!
why? ’cause that’s all that really Matters, that’s why!

prologue..

we need to talk to people who:
have a problem and know it and believe there is something they can do about it and are actively doing something about it and are actively seeking personal growth help

don’t have a problem — totally "in touch" with your feelings?  great  you’re in the minority.
don’t know you have a problem — not sure it’s my job to enlighten you, but maybe
don’t believe there’s hope — yikes. there is. there really is.
aren’t doing something about it — well, that’s another part of the problem (shame, low self-esteem, abandonment, ignorance, lack)
aren’t seeking personal growth help — HELLO! We are the cheapest, fastest, most effective, life-changing, love-creating, self-esteem building form of mental health known to man!!

Forgiveness is for you.

You carry the pain, and the anger, and the resentment.
You keep the grudge going.
You are the one with the nasty thoughts.

So forgiveness is for you.

They may never know you forgave them (sadly, they may not even know you are angry at them).

Forgiveness is about removing the pain that is Between you and that other person. Letting go of the anger and the resentment.
Releasing the emotional grudge you have going on.

Forgiveness is for you.

We have lots of control over our pain. Release it, as best you can. If you need help, ask someone to help who’s not afraid of anger or tears.

Decide if you want to hang on to it, or let it go.

Remember too that Acceptance does not equal Approval.
You can hate what someone did to you, while Accepting that it did, in fact, happen.

cool, 2-minute movie on Forgiveness.
http://www.ForgivenessMovie.com

Great article / testimonial by Bob Parsons (owner of GoDaddy.com) about getting (Viet Nam), living with, identifying and healing PTSD.

Blog posting:
http://www.bobparsons.com/index.php?/archives/18-Go-Daddy-adopts-USMC-Rifle-Company.-PTSD-and-my-experience-with-it..html

Here’s another link, from Bob’s article, citing a study showing the very high incidence of PTSD in soldiers in and after Iraq.
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/story?id=331092&page=1

According to Doc, PTSD is about pictures and images and sounds stuck in your head.  These graphical memories include Feelings and Emotions… that are left unexpressed. 

The brain basically doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined pictures — so someone with yucky pictures in their head can IMAGINE that the pictures are different (happier, different ending, even comical) and the brain will believe this to be true… AS LONG AS the Feelings are also acknowledgeed and dealt with.  The Feelings become the glue that locks the painful memories in place.  Once felt, and released, the feelings AND the pictures are free to change. 

If you have PTSD, or pictures stuck in your head, or know someone who does, these deserve a read.

good luck with it all.  IMAGINE it different and it shall be so.

It seems that whenever I start to feel COCKY, I get slammed somehow. it’s very strange, but it’s happened a lot of times.

- – - Personally proud, and responsible and powerful – - those are all fine.

but if I get to feeling actually Cocky — where I think I’m really special in one area, apart or above the rest — I often get slammed in some unexpected way.

Cocky = Losing touch with our Higher Power.

Cocky means you think YOU did it.
YOU made it happen.
You baaad.

without God, it doesn’t work.

There are 3 ingredients for a happy life:
1. God
2. Self-Awareness
3. Personal Responsibility
Power you will be more attractive than you ever thought possible!

rock on.

- Matt

Here’s some great info on Feelings from Coping.org.

Includes a long list of words to Describe what you are feeling.
- remember, Identification is the first step toward Taking Control!

- Matt

Matt’s EQ Quiz
Answer these questions to test your emotional well-being. You don’t have to write down the answers… just read the question and experience your feelings and emotions. Let them flow thru you… watch your thoughts go by… learn about yourself

Dare to explore your feelings… harnessing your feelings and getting them under control is the Key to Happiness and Freedom!

1. You get a huge compliment from your boss, completely unexpected!
- What’s the first thing that goes thru your mind?

2. A loved one hurts your feelings. They were mad at the time and said some mean things. And they stung.
- How do you handle it?
- How do you punish them?
- How do you Let Go of the pain?
- How long ’til you forgive?

3. You’re going for a goal. You have your heart set on it and you give it your all. You try the very best you know how… but alas, it doesn’t work out the way you had it pictured. Not at all.
- How do you handle that, in your heart?
- What do you say to yourself, in your head?
- Does it make you more Motivated and Bold and Courageous the next time, or more Reserved and Cautious and Fearful?

4. You see your friend do something you would Never do. They don’t know you saw them do it.
- Now what?
- Would you tend to confront them, talk to them about it to get things cleared up between you… or quietly withdraw from them, never to mention the subject again?
- Would you forgive?

5. You’re sound asleep. The phone rings and wakes you. You fumble to answer it as fast you can, as it must be something Urgent at this time of night! It’s a wrong number.
- How do you feel towards this person?
- What do you say to that person?
- Are you Ok with the amount of energy you put on that event?

6. A person close to you tragically and suddenly passes away in the night.
- How do you react?
- What’s the life lesson here?
- Are you living it?

7. You win the lottery. $2 Million dollars, free and clear.
- What do you do with the cash?
- What do you do with all the new attention you get?
- How do you make sure you don’t just BLOW it, as so many do?

8. Your buddies want you to go fishing with them. It’s a beautiful day and they’re begging you to join them, but you’ve got something important to do at work that you believe needs to get done.
- What do you do?
- What do you do with your feelings?
- What goes thru your mind?

9. He looks at another woman, and watches her go by.
- What’s your first thought?
- Are you as confident as you want to be, when it comes to him?
- What do you conclude about yourself?

10. Your wife says “I want to talk about us”.
- What goes thru your mind?
- Will you try to avoid this talk, or embrace the chance, or something in between?
- What will be your Attitude when you start this conversation?

MORE INFO
I just came across a wonderful psychotherapist, Dr. Claude Steiner, who has done much work in Emotional Literacy. We call it Emotional Intelligence, but it’s VERY much the same concepts that we teach at the New Directions Weekend Workshop.

At minimum, please read this short, amusing children’s story, which makes a VERY good point about giving out Warm Fuzzies freely and openly.

Next, feel the Positive and Negative Strokes (i.e. – Warm Fuzzies and Cold Prickles).

and, to top it off, Dr. Steiner has published his ENTIRE books to read online. They are right up our alley.

please try it…
Emotional Literacy; Intelligence with a Heart

The Other Side of Power

Healing Alcoholism

Great Stuff!!

Enjoy!
- Matt

MORE LESSONS TO LEARN
Apparently we have more lessons to learn…

All I can figure is that our lives have been painful and hard so far, and they will continue to be such until we HAVE learned what we are supposed to learn about the stuff we are SUPPOSED TO learn.

It’s as simple as that. If it’s not going the way we want, or it doesn’t feel the way we want it to feel, then we have more work to do. It’s called Personal Responsibility, and it’s the Key to a powerful, directed, responsible life.

The types of lessons, and the severity of the lesson may not be up to us… and the sooner we settle into the pain / lesson / growth part of it all, the easier the ride will be.

I guess…

We go looking for JOY, Love, and Happiness. We smile and laugh and hug and skip. And cry and grieve and scream sometimes.

We find Joy in everything we can. And for those things that are mean, negative or foul, we learn to shield ourselves, armed and protected… and go back to finding Joy.

Maybe that’s the best advice I can give, is to learn how to Close up.

Learn to open up… and learn to close up, too.
Not everyone is safe, and not all are loving.
There are the mean-spirited out there looking for people, victims, to hurt and teardown.
sorry.

So, if you are continually being lambasted, while wearing your heart on your sleeve, then it’s time to learn some protection techniques. Some of us are sensitive men & women, and we get our feelings hurt, a LOT. It’s easy to blame and whine, but the reality is that we have to grow up and learn to fend for ourselves.

NEW RESOLVE
I am not willing to give up my Joy of Living, for anyone, any more.

I will no longer allow a woman, or anyone else for that matter, have that much power of me, that their treatment of me, or opinion of me, or relationship with me, will be more important, or supercede, any JOYFUL relationship I have with Myself and My Life!

- Matt