Good news! We went to see “Kung Fu Panda 2″ at the matinee yesterday and it was FULL of positive EQ messages! Giving, honor, loving, finding “Inner Peace”, working thru childhood belief systems, confidence, teamwork, etc., etc. I love it when EQ goes Mainstream, and our kids get GOOD examples/lessons, for a change!

"Don't put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket, keep it

in your own." 
 

—

"Happiness isn't about waiting for the storm to pass…   It's about learning

how to dance in the rain" 

I want to teach the world the incredible power of basic Emotional Intelligence skills (EQ skills).

Teach people to imagine.
to visualize.
to plan.
to conjure.
to ask for.
to attract.
to believe.
to trust.
to love.

to be open.  or not.
to feel.  or not.

to allow.
to create.
to receive.
to give.
to play.
to laugh.
to sing.
to dance.
to scream.
to cry.

to emote.  honestly, without drama.
to make boundaries.
to teach others how to be with us.
to like themselves.
to motivate themselves.
to direct themselves.
to discipline themselves.

to be successful.
to be happy.
to be free.

The skills are available and free 24x7x365, the lessons are profound and the benefits are incredible!

Research on "Feelings"
View results from: Dictionary | Thesaurus | Encyclopedia | All Reference | the Web

—Synonyms: Feeling, emotion, passion, sentiment refer to pleasurable or painful sensations experienced when one is stirred to sympathy, anger, fear, love, grief, etc.

—————-
Research on "Emotion"
View results from: Dictionary | Thesaurus | Encyclopedia | All Reference | the Web

- an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

#1 Most Powerful Interpersonal Communication Skill:

Shut Up and Listen

#1 Most Important Relationship in Life:

Your relationship with Yourself

#1 Best Thing you can do for you and your family’s Present and Future:

Increase your Emotional Intelligence

#1 Deepest, most life-trashing, relationship-blasting, sex-ruining, self-esteem-bashing, hopeless event we can experience:

Being molested or violated as a child.

#1 Worst thing about trying to do life Alone:

It’s No Fun!

#1 Most Important thing I’d like to Teach the world:

Emotional Intelligence is the key!  Feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing.  In fact, they are THE thing for creating Happiness and Success in life!

… and one more thing…

#1 Fastest, most profound, life-changing thing you can do to improve your Emotional Intelligence (according to many, many grads):

Break-through to your inner feelings and emotions at our ND weekend workshop.

"War" is a mighty strong word… but it’s a strong message, too.

Ok, we’re going to war.  We wage a:
war against Shoulds.
war against perfection.
war against harshness, and cruelty, and unnecessary pain.
war against emotional ignorance and cluelessness.
war against separateness and isolation and making enemies.
war against aloneness and loneliness.
war against rage, replaced with good clean anger.
war against depression, allowing the release of energy that free us to live and breathe.

war against guilt: teach me, but don’t trash my life.
war against shame: stand tall and be counted, for you are one of God’s children.
war against molest and abuse: OPEN YOUR EYES and see the horror and devastation of your uncaring actions.

war against hunger: in a land of plenty.
war against stupidity: where we do NOT support our elected leaders.
war against cruelty: disguised as ignorance.
war against brutality: in any form.

We’re marching for Peace.
we want peaceful borders.
we want our leaders to TALK and keep TALKin’ until you guys work it out so that everyone wins — NO MORE WARS, EVER!!!

we want LOVE to be the governing body.  the focus.  the goal.  the intent.  the glue.
we want HAPPY and FUN to be good things, not an annoyance or irritation.

we want Therapy and Personal Growth and Coaching and Emotional Intelligence to be honored and respected for the Amazing changes we are making for, and to, the world — changing hearts, one person or a small group at a time.

we want our government officials to be:
Honest,
Open
Sane
NOT money-focused
NOT Good-ole’-boy cliquish
NOT based on personal gain.

We war against emotional pain, by bringing awareness to the masses, and we fight for peace, and joy, and love, in who we are and all that we do.

march on…

-There will never be another world war — ever!

In fact, I believe wars will decline in the future, both in severity and in number.

I believe that we, as a planet, are slowly, but surely, "Getting It", and I’m very happy about that!

I have hope for the future.  I believe we are on the right path toward becoming a more Feeling-Friendly world.

The shift will be profound, and it’s comin’. "It’s only a Thought away."

(i thought this was fascinating… the brain has 3 parts, including an Emotional center.  A good friend sent this to me so I’ll have to find out the source for you)

“Who Are You? 101 Ways of Seeing Yourself” Author – Malcolm Godwin.

Georgiades Ivanovitch Gurdjieff, the charismatic Armenian mystic & teacher, maintained that human beings are wonderful stimulus-response mechanisms which, he said, "eat impressions & excrete behavior." he proposed that we are all 3-brained beings, each brain forming a different center of awareness. He taught that an individual is dominated by one of the 3, which constitutes his type – in Man Number One this is the moving brain, in Number Two it is the emotional brain, while in Number Three it is the intellectual brain. Each of us has a lifelong predisposition toward either the belly, the heart or the head.

Gurdjieff’s aim was to bring about an integrity between the disparate urges of each of these brains, or centers of consciousness, so that the individual could begin to wake up to his or her real potential by using all 3 in harmony.

In the year of his death (1949), he might have seen a number of neurologists come to the remarkably similar conclusion that there are indeed 3 distinct brains that carry within themselves the whole history of our evolution. Prehistoric fish evolved specialized bundles of nerves along the spine which became sensitive to smell, light & sound.

These clusters became what is known as the reptilian brain, corresponding to our own most ancient brain – the cerebellum. It deals with the five mechanical & instinctual responses of flight, fight, freeze, food & reproduction.

A further evolutionary refinement, ensuring far better odds of survival, was the limbic system, or emotional brain. Although unconscious, it added powerful urges to the 5 basic instincts, ensuring faster and more appropriate responses to the environment. This is the mammalian brain.

Crowning this neurological explosion was the cortex, with frontal lobes which apparently triggered a conscious awareness of self.

The hard-wired connections between the 3 brains is anything but efficient. Often communication breaks down between all three. This can cause a split in which we tend to operate in only one mode – physical, emotional or mental. The 3 types can be easily identified in caricature as Shakespeare’s Falstaff, the instinctual man of the body, Othello, the emotional lover, and Hamlet, the divided man of the mind.

ASSESSMENT: With which do you most identify?

TYPE NUMBER ONE: You enjoy acting impulsively, on instinct, rather than reasoning out a course of action. You trust that your whole body will instinctively act for you. You seldom bother to reflect on your actions. You take pleasure in the immediate things of life – food, drink, sex, and in the delight of energy and the action of your body.

Brainstem & Cerebellum: The most ancient of the 3 brains is responsible for the more mechanical aspects of the body, being dedicated to movement, the physical senses & instinctual responses.

Falstaff – The Belly/Hand: Instinctual intelligence. Lives in the phenomenal environment, in the moment. Acts on impulse, instinctive, body-oriented, materialistic, non-reflective, lusty and bound by the earth.

TYPE NUMBER TWO: You know that you respond to people and situations in a very emotional way. You are passionate and value love above all reason. You sometimes act foolishly simply because you feel driven by an overwhelming impulse you can’t explain. You become insanely jealous while you know you have no reason to.

The Limbic System: The emotional center that creates feelings but is not conscious in itself. It is the most powerful generator of urges in the nervous system & has the greatest influence on behavior.

Othello – The Heart: The Feeling intelligence. Lives in the emotions, passionate, jealous, possessed & possessive, expressive, moody & unreasonable.

TYPE NUMBER THREE: You enjoy the delights of intellectual challenge, the world of ideas and of creative dreaming. You want to increase your knowledge and seek the truth and the meaning of existence. You do not trust your emotions, preferring logic and careful reasoning.

The Cortex: This area of the brain is concerned with language, thinking, planning, organizing & consciousness. It has fewer neural pathways to the other brains than from them.

Hamlet – The Head: The Reasoning Intelligence, living in the head and in an environment of ideas. Using the reasoning powers of the mind, logical & strategic, mathematical, knowledgeable, mind-created experience.

Food for thought?

Writers go through periods of writer’s block.  I believe that people working on their emotions also go through emotional blocks – periods of emotional overload.  My overblown responses to situations this last week told me that I needed to work on something but I could not put my finger on just what.  So I bring out all of the tools, do some visualizations to determine what the fear is all about, and come up with more fear and no clue as to where it is coming from.  So I start looking at what is different about last week than the weeks before.  There were three things that were weighing heavily on my mind last week

1. The growing concern over my lack of many childhood memories
2. An on line relationship that seems to good to be true
3. Spending Christmas with Dad

A visualization exercise really triggered the concern over the lack of childhood memories.  In the visualization I knew I was trying to find my way through a deepening darkness and I could feel my fear and anxiety growing to the point where I felt a hand around my throat pushing me back against a wall.  When I pulled myself back to the present, my fear still had a strong hold over my reason and determined that I didn’t remember because the events during the blank periods were worse than what I did remember.  Once the fear became less intense, I could also see that the blanks could just be a result of practicing my childhood survival technique of shutting down too well.  The second option is easier to accept at this point in time.  The first may be true but until memories arise that prove it true, I am not willing to let that fear and dread prevent me from enjoying the now.

A month ago I decided that I am ready to start developing a relationship so I posted a profile on a friend/dating network.  I had a few people who showed brief interest and one who showed quite a bit of interest and we were corresponding with each other every day or so through the network’s anonymous e-mail service.  After about a week, I found myself looking forward to coming home and seeing if there was a new e-mail.  We lost contact for a little while around Thanksgiving and we caught up again last week.  In his e-mail he suggested that we go the next step and take our correspondence off the network and use our own e-mail addresses and plan on meeting each other eventually.  As I was getting ready to send back my response, this tidal wave of panic and self-doubt hit. 

What am I doing?  I’m starting a relationship doing 2 things I said I would not do – have a long-distance relationship and have an on line relationship.  Am I doing this because I feel I NEED a man to be complete or am I doing this because I WANT a man to share my life?  Writing a half-crazed email to my help buddy helped to calm the panic and look at this more rationally.  I know that I do not need a man to feel complete but I do want a man in my life.  I miss the different perspective men bring to a conversation.  I miss the smell of their aftershave in my hair.  I miss the feel of a man’s touch.  I am going to quit worrying about the what-ifs of the future with this relationship and enjoy the happiness that I am experiencing with it now.

Now the big one – Christmas at Dad’s.  It was while I was driving home last night from a support group that I realized that this is the core of the fear and anger this past week.  And it was at group this morning that I realized what the belief was that was keeping me immersed in the fear.  My father has always been and still is physically, mentally, and verbally abusive to his family. In order to remain Daddy’s good little girl and to keep the worst of his abusive behavior from being directed at me, I have spent a lifetime trying to please him and feeling like I have failed miserably.  My sisters sought an escape from the abuse through drugs,  alcohol, and promiscuity which in turn just fueled Dad’s anger.  I sought to please him by adopting his own drugs of choice as my own – over-responsibility and work.  I felt his displeasure not through physical retaliation or a shouted put-down but through a sigh or an allusion to some lack in the performance of my responsibility to him or the family. 

I have reached a point where I need to have some answers to some questions.  Answers that I think I know already but have been too afraid to ask because they would verify that I have been as big a disappointment to him as my sisters and that I am not worthy of his love and respect.  This morning I realized that I was placing my value as a human being in how he would respond.  Right now I feel that I have finally accepted within myself that I am a valuable person with a purpose for being that has nothing to do with his or anyone else’s expectations.  I will still ask him the questions but now I am asking them to get the answers out in the open so there are no what-ifs for me to fear.

Writer’s block for me is not my inability to find a topic to write on; it is my inability to focus on one topic without being interrupted by half a dozen others and then getting nothing written.  My emotional blocks are not caused by indifference but from too many emotions and feelings and beliefs screaming for attention all at once yet none of them wanting to be looked at too closely.  If I take them out one at a time and look at them close enough to peel away the layers of meanings and beliefs, I take away their power to dictate my behavior.  I take back the control in determining my purpose in life and making it a reality.

      Sue Wiseman

hey, I just noticed that MANY of our 2GHers, and NDers, are Currently seeing a Therapist!
so maybe we could talk to other therapists,
or at least say, "hey, therapy too slow for you?"
"want to augment your therapy?"
"want to SPEED UP your therapy?"
"want to GO DEEPER, Faster?"

come to ND.

people who are Already doing the work.

check this out: yesterday, I got some feedback from a dear and respected friend, in an effort to help me ‘describe’ ND succinctly. "I would not approach it from a releasing anger approach as most people, including yours truly years ago, firmly believe they have no anger problems. Think about what people want, and what you give them, and "sell" ND that way, like finding deep happiness, contentment, success, etc. They don’t need to know how you do it until they’re in class!"

I thought about this, and realized that I have often approached ND from the Mainstreamers point of view. the clueless-in-denial-unconscious type. They don’t want to talk about feelings, they don’t want anything to do with them. (and that’s what I’m selling? something people spend most of their life Avoiding? great.)

but then this morning, it hit me.

"No offense, sandra, but I will not stop talking about anger."
in fact, that’s one of our Main specialties!

we are the Best at anger issues: reduction, redirection, resolution, replacement.

No, actually, I think we will only appeal to those who are Already doing some type of emotional work on themselves.
(besides, I don’t want to talk to people who are totally clueless… we’ll get to them through our outreach of grads. the ripple effect. there are too many of ‘em, they are too hard to talk to, and frankly, I tend to not like ‘em very much.  The people I LIKE, are our people, the people who are real. the people who are in pain and know they’re in pain, or are happy, genuinely happy, and they don’t mind sharing it with me (or any safe person). They have learned that giving & connection are the secrets to joy in life, and they proudly and honestly offer love and support, by default. that’s who I want to work with. my friends!)

I want to talk to people who Already understand the Importance of Feelings.
People who are in therapy.

• People who go to workshops, to heal.
• People who buy and read personal growth books.
• People who are looking for connections, for answers, for help.
• People who have a clue… and want more.
• (people like me! =: ^ )

I believe there are (now) LOTS of people who Know they’re angry.
they Know their uncomfortable, or lost, or codependent, or addicted.
they Know they have Issues goin’ on.
they Know their life is out-of-control, emotionally.

but they don’t know what to do about it.

that’s where we come in.

they Know they have unresolved anger from their childhood.
if they’re in therapy, they’ve been talking about it and exploring it.

I believe these people, now, to try to assist in their PG process, to help their therapy move on to get to the bottom of the issues and GET OVER ‘EM, once and for all.

a. are willing to feel. longing to get thru their negative feelings. aching to feel better, and

b. are even willing to get out of their comfort zone, in order to grow, and learn, and heal.

but they may or may not have actually FELT it, to the depths of their being.

To Completely express and release those nasty pains and angers, so we can heal.

That’s our specialty.

Hey, Knowing about ‘em and FEELing ‘em are a whole different story.

That’s the thing with Feelings. you can talk about ‘em all day long, until you’re blue in the face. you may feel like you’re doing what you were told, to ‘deal with’ your feelings…
but you talk and talk and they don’t feel all that much better. in fact, they can even feel worse. UNLESS you also FEEL the feelings while you’re talking about ‘em!!

I believe THIS is a huge untapped new market. people are more feeling-aware than ever before.  people (and corporations) are more Feeling-Friendly than ever before.
Feelings are making a come-back (like they did in the 60′s when Love and Peace were everywhere)

Feelings are going mainstream!!
(beginning 9-11-01, in fact)

There are more and more ‘Feeling People.’ (I’m happy to say)

Feeling people connect.
they buy books, they listen to some audio
they complain, no sorry, talk to their friends and family about it.

they are in pain over it.
they drink and drug over it.
they get divorces over it.
they even sometimes cut over it.
they try avoiding.
they try denying.

but it’s still there.
OUCH, and AAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh, and saaaaaad.

I keep talking about the 3 main feeling skills, and I just realized that we are awesome at teaching all 3:

1. Awareness. we talk about ‘em, we point ‘em out, we separate ‘em, we acknowledge them, we write about ‘em and we learn to tell one from another. "oh, so that’s what pure sadness feels like, without the guilt and shame attached. wow. what a clean, pure, free-ing feeling to let go like that…"

2. Acceptance. we been there. we know. we feel, a lot. we feel with you. we cry with you. we yell with you. we hold you. and we accept our feelings. we accept others’ feelings. people accept each other’s feelings. then people start accepting their OWN feelings. they start to feel wonderful about themselves. it changes their lives. etc., etc.

3. Expression. If it’s rage reduction you need, we’re the best. If it’s anger and fear all jumbled up together, we can help you distinguish ‘em and deal with ‘em, permanently. If it Guilt, or Shame, or Fear, or Grief that are bringing Pain to your life, let’s get to it.

therapy can be slow and expensive. (no offense guys, I LOVE therapy, when done correctly, and powerfully. my biggest gripes are 4.

1. you don’t get the power of the group process to carry you places you wouldn’t have dreamed of going, to the very core of your feelings, so you can clean them out permanently and completely.
2. they usually only go for an hour, and that’s it. IME, you can’t go that deep, that fast. it takes some time, that’s why we take a whole weekend. you can go at your own pace. some are ready when they walk in the door, others don’t open up until late Sunday afternoon, and it’s ok either way. (oh, you’re probably saying ‘I’m too messed up, they fail with me’, I say "WRONG." we don’t fail with anyone, and we don’t give up on anyone. ever. we may take a break, during, but ‘once a student, always a friend.’)…
3. Much of therapy is done sitting down. well in my experience you can’t get all your anger out, sitting down.. you gotta stand up and use your Whole body. your whole body is angry, so your whole body’s gotta express it… and
4. IMHO, even a skilled therapist can only take you as deep emotionally as they themselves have gone. Over our 20 years, we have had a Lot of therapists in class and I can tell you, many ain’t been there, so you ain’t going there, either. If they haven’t dealt with their own anger, and rage, and shame, and guilt, and fear, they can’t let you go there as a client. it’s too uncomfortable.

Actually, therapists come to us, and send their clients to us, so we can help.  They both GET IN TOUCH WITH THEIR OWN FEELINGS and they improve their skills in dealing with other’s feelings and emotions.  We are certified by the great State of California to offer Continuing Education Units to therapists who take ND. (a lot of credits, too. 20 in one weekend! CA-registered LCSWs and LMFTs are required to take at least 8 CEU credits per year to keep their license active.)

• If you, yes YOU are ready, willing and able to deal with all the crap that swirls around inside you,
• and YOU are willing to go where most people won’t go,
• and YOU have the faith to believe that God gave us all these feelings for a good Reason!

then let’s talk. our next class is Jan. 19 in Fresno, CA.

or not.

Let me re-iterate something.  YOU DO NOT NEED US in order to get in touch with your feelings… you just don’t. you can do this yourself, at home. you especially can do it with your therapist (I didn’t mean to trash therapy. therapists have saved my butt more than once, it’s just that we can offer some stuff that’s hard for them to manage 1-on-1). You can do it with trusted friends or relatives, or anyone… or even no one at all. All, I’m saying is if we can help, let us know — otherwise, Just Do It yourself. if you’re not healing as fast as you’d like, or you’re suicidal, and you’re not finding the help you need locally, then consider making a trip out to CA for a weekend. we can help. Shannon did it. Monica did it. Both Sue’s did it. Heidi did it (and never went home!). we’ll find you a place to stay. we’ll help you however we can. we’ll love you and support you thru anything you gotta face from your past. but it’s up to you. you owe it to yourself, to your growth, to your future, to your family, to get some help wherever you can in order to deal with your feelings the way they need to be done.

Git ‘R Done.
- Matt